Thursday Jokes: September 2nd

Texas legislators effectively banned abortions after six weeks of pregnancy. Duramed Pharmaceuticals is now changing the name of their morning-after pill to Plan TX.

Comic & podcaster Joe Rogan said he has COVID-19, and is receiving a battery of treatments, including steroids, monoclonal antibodies and Ivermectin. The Ivermectin was needed because the steroids made his intestinal worms big and strong.

Kanye West admitted he cheated on Kim Kardashian after she had his two kids. Other rappers were quick to condemn Kanye for waiting that long.

White supremacist and anti-government extremists are reportedly praising the Taliban for their overthrow of a U.S.-backed government. Then they were reminded the Taliban aren’t white guys.

The head of Russia’s space program, who’d threatened to end Russia’s presence on the International Space Station, now says “a divorce is not possible”. Mainly because Russian astronauts don’t want to lose visitation rights to the extraterrestrials.

The World Health Organization is monitoring a COVID-19 variant called ‘Mu’, which may be resistant to vaccines and evade existing antibodies. This is not to be confused with Moo, which is treatable with cow dewormer Ivermectin.

Tropical Storm Ida led to devastating rain & tornados in Pennsylvania and New Jersey, leading to record flooding in those states, and record Twitter likes for tornado videos.

A COVID-19 vaccine for children 12 & under is taking longer than expected, because of approval for the vaccine, and catching the kids once they see the needle come out.

Microsoft will hold an event on September 22nd to debut its new Surface tablet, with even more features that will still disappoint people who wanted an iPad.

A McDonald’s manager caused controversy by claiming one of the chain’s mascots, Grimace, is a giant taste bud. And non-binary.

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