Thursday Jokes: January 26th

The United States agreed to send high-tech Abrams battle tanks to Ukraine, but are manufacturing them instead of shipping them out of existing inventory. This will allow Ukraine to add features like heated seats and Apple TankPlay.

King Charles evicted scandal-plagued Prince Andrew from Buckingham Palace. With Epstein Island no longer available, Andrew may seek refuge at Epstein London Basement Studio Apartment.

The FBI seized a website used by a notorious ransomware gang which demanded hundreds of millions of dollars in payment – .

As a counter to singles who find partners during winter’s ‘Cuffing season’, a new dating trend, ‘Snow storming’ has emerged, where singles dump longtime partners in winter. Men are looking for variety, women are looking to avoid arguments when they jack the thermostat to 80 degrees.

Houston police arrested 58-year-old Lisa Coleman, dubbed the “high-heeled hijacker” for shoes she wore during a series of robberies at stores and a bank. “Hijacker” didn’t seem to fit, but they said she didn’t have the body for “big boob” or “big booty” bandit.

On ABC’s ‘The View‘ Wednesday, discussion of classified documents found at Mike Pence’s home was disrupted by an audible fart noise as co-host Sara Haines shifted in her chair. The fart noise being attibuted to Haines effectively ended Joy Behar’s 10-episode streak.

The Virginia school where a 6-year-old boy shot his teacher was reportedly warned three times that he possessed a weapon – twice by teachers warning administrators, and once by the director of the school play holding auditions for Annie Get Your Gun.

Hyejeong Shin, 29, is accused of showing a forged birth certificate so she could attend freshman classes at New Brunswick High School in New Jersey. She’s also accused of disrupting classes for other 29-year-old New Jersey high schoolers who’ve been held back 12 times.

Artificial intelligence chatbot ChatGPT passed an exam at the Wharton School of Business at a B- level. Despite the so-so score, it’s starting at job at DadGPT’s company and will be harassing WomenGPT in no time.

A German cinema broke the world record by installing the largest IMAX movie screen, 8,770 square feet. They also inadvertently broke the record for most people asleep at the movies during a showing of the three-hour Avatar: The Way of Water.

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