Following a two-week manhunt, Pennsylvania State Police captured escaped convict Michael Burham, who was spotted after a dog barked at him in the woods. The dog would have stayed quiet, but Burham was out of Pupperoni.

ABC announced 71-year-old widowed senior Gerry Turner as the first ‘Golden Bachelor’. They expect to announce a 35-year-old woman as their first ‘Golden Bachelorette’.

Ford cut the price of their all-electric F-150 Lightning pickup trucks by as much as $10,000, due to slow demand in the Deep South, where customers don’t know why their pickup should have electricity if their house doesn’t.

Disney CEO Bob Iger said he’s considering selling money-losing streaming services. But he’s concerned the buyer will change their mind and cancel after two months.

Police arrested architect Rex Heuermann as the suspected Gilgo Beach serial killer. He’s charged with three murders, although investigators expect to find other load-bearing bodies supporting those.

Country star Jason Aldean ended a Connecticut concert early due to what he called dehydration and heat exhaustion. Roadies attempted to rehydrate him with an intravenous drip of Bud Light but his body rejected it.

A sex therapist tells CNN they see many male patients who said they married a woman without considering them sexually attractive. The therapist said the men should work on communicating their desires, and, as a backup, finding $300.

An experimental drug was found to slow the progression of Alzheimer’s by 35%. The drug is cyanide, and they think they got the percentages wrong.

A Canadian man driving a petroleum truck was fired for pulling a baby moose in to the passenger seat to save the animal from an impending bear attack. Before he was fired, he cancelled a date with a woman he’d scheduled at the next truck stop.

A teen girl from Switzerland defaced the exterior of the famed Colosseum in Rome by carving in to it with a piece of metal. She was questioned by police, who wanted to know exactly what she meant by “for a good time”.