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Some fans at Taylor Swift concerts say they’re wearing adult diapers so they don’t miss a single song of her 3-hour-plus set. Others wore them because they haven’t been the same since having the kids they brought to the concert.

A Georgia gun store owner told CNN he’s closing because of gun violence against children, specifically school shootings. As he sells off remaining inventory, he’s requiring customers to sign an agreement to only use their new guns to shoot adults.

Glamour magazine’s UK edition cover featured Logan Brown, a pregnant transgender male showing off his baby bump. Brown’s name was added after readers initially thought Kylie Jenner had really let herself go.

Facebook parent company Meta is telling workers to return to the office 3 days a week starting in September – and being “Interested” in coming back won’t cut it.

A federal judge ruled that a warrant is required for border patrol to search the smartphones of immigrants entering the country illegally. Border agents searching phones had reportedly memorized the customer service number at Boost Mobile.

Megan Carlisle, a Pennsylvania teacher, was arrested for having sex with a 15-year-old student and sending him nudes via Snapchat after fondling him during his in-school suspension. Once the school had a 56-year-old male gym teacher take over in-school suspension, the other 15-year-old boys started behaving better.

Andrew Bedwell, a British sailor attempting a world record by crossing the Atlantic in a boat just over 3 feet long, had his voyage ended after the boat took on water – from his bladder.

A pregnant Thai woman is accused of murdering up to 13 people by poisoning them with cyanide in their drinks. Cops are asking other women to donate breast milk because they don’t exactly trust her after the baby arrives.

Records released by the Bureau of Prisons reveal at the time of his incarceration Jeffrey Epstein was treated for chlamydia, sleep apnea, back pain, constipation, high blood pressure & prediabetes. He also listed 10 different sex partners in the prior five years, each of whom admitted he might not have been that hot.

A black activist criticized Disney’s new ‘The Little Mermaid‘ for erasing mentions of black slavery in the Caribbean. However, the same activist conceded Snow White accurately depicted slavery among dwarfs.

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Britney Spears has given consent for ex-husband Kevin Federline to move their two sons to Hawai’i with his current wife. Britney said at first she was concerned about them being in a foreign country.

MMA fighter Mike Dragich was captured on viral video wrestling with a 10-foot alligator that had gotten on the grounds of a Jacksonville, Florida elementary school. He eventually subdued the gator, and took away the assault weapon it was carrying.

The House of Representatives passed a debt ceiling bill, after Speaker Kevin McCarthy told them if they didn’t, he wouldn’t be able to use the government Visa card for birthday pizza parties.

The National Eating Disorders Association helpline is replacing hundreds of staffers and volunteers with a chatbot named Tessa. Tessa was selected for her knowledge of eating disorders, and her great work at the Butterball Turkey tip line.

A new study finds Massachusetts is the most expensive state for child care, at an average of almost $21,000 annually. The cheapest is Mississippi, where it costs just over $5,000 per year to toss your kid on the pile with the rest of them.

Rapper Azealia Banks posted a warning to Taylor Swift, calling rumored new boyfriend Matty Healy an “incel” and to not “let..him climb the rich white coochie mountain”. Healy hopes to join John Mayer, Jake Gyllenhall, Harry Styles, and a handful of explorers who successfully summited Rich White Coochie Mountain.

A triple shooting took place just outside the emergency room entrance to Temple Hospital in Philadelphia. The victims walked everal feet to get inside, then held their wounds with one hand while they filled out paperwork with the other for 45 minutes.

On the latest episode of The Kardashians, Kim is seen telling her ex Pete Davidson “what you’re getting yourself into” at the start of their romance – as she holds up a pair of her signature Skims underwear.

Kelly Ripa said that Bravo host Andy Cohen iMessage’d her a photo of his lover’s erect penis while she was looking at her work iPad. Ripa said she closed the message instead of accepting Cohen’s invite to “watch what happens live”.

The Federal Trade Commission alleges Ring doorbell cameras were not secure for years, allowing one Ring employee to watch video footage of 81 different women. The employee admitted watching the footage, but said it took him forever to find 81 women who had sex on their front porch.

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Ocean City, New Jersey implemented a new curfew and other restrictions after the mayor said crowds of unruly teens threaten their status as ‘America’s Greatest Family Resort’. Teens are encouraged to go to Wildwood, to help retain their status as ‘America’s Dirtbag Headquarters’.

Chris Christie is set to announce his 2024 presidential campaign. His run for president is the only run he’s done in a really long time.

The head of U.S. Border Patrol is retiring. The occasion will be marked by a ceremony with the one-millionth illegal immigrant of his tenure entering the U.S. while he isn’t looking.

83-year-old Al Pacino is expecting a child with girlfriend Noor Alfallah. The pregnancy comes as a surprise for Pacino, who thought his whole system was out of order!!

HBO estimates 2.9 million people watched the Succession finale Sunday night – although somehow an estimated 4 million people bitched about it on social media afterward.

Retired baseball star Alex Rodriguez said he’s been diagnosed with early-stage gum disease. He said because of that he’s considering quitting gum.

Researchers unearthing 1,500-year-old mass burial sites in England are using skeletal DNA to learn about the bacteria that caused the plague. They tried using teeth, but most of those were already lost to British cooking & hygiene.

Convicted Manson Family murderer Leslie Van Houten was recommended for parole in California, but faces a legal battle since Governor Gavin Newsom had barred her release. Van Houten’s lawyers argue that Van Houten is in her 70s and only has limited time to get her ownn reality show.

Chick-fil-A hired its first-ever head of diversity, equity and inclusion – in order to ensure the company is staffed with a representive mix of ages, ethnicities and skin color of straight people.

A choir on America’s Got Talent paid tribute to prior-season contestant Nightbirde, who’d since died of cancer, performing a song she’d written and sung on the show. It made judge Simon Cowell cry before telling them that their harmonies were flat and terrible.

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A new trend is for brides to get a haircut between the ceremony and reception to symbolize the start of something new. Although some brides are angry when the groom mentions liking the new ‘do because it reminds them of the bride’s sister.

Gun shots were fired and a teen was critically injured during a party in the empty parking lot at a Philadelphia soccer stadium. Cops say this is the most excitement they’ve ever seen at a soccer venue.

Venice’s grand canal mysteriously turned bright green. “Its-a il burlone (the Joker)”, said Italian Batman.

A Carnival Cruise liner returning from the Bahamas encountered hurricane force winds and waves, flooding the ship and making dozens of passengers even more violently ill than they usually get from the buffet.

Researchers believe an increase in colon cancer among younger patients is caused by fungus usually found in toe nails. They believe parents may be putting their foot up the ass of their kids to make them get a job.

Scientists believe the predominant cause of Sudden Infant Death Syndrome may be a defective brain receptor controlling breathing – followed closely by one-star rated Care.com babysitters

The NBA Philadelphia 76ers hired Nick Nurse as their new head coach. Nurse promises to deliver a championship to whatever team he works for after the Sixers fire him.

2.7 million travelers flew commercial U.S. airlines over the Memorial Day weekend, the most since Thanksgiving 2019. Both Southwest and Spirit say they set new records for the number of flight attendants knocked out by passengers.

A new study finds that weightlifting & resistance exercises focused on the legs helps prevent heart attack victims from a second episode. Or you can just sit on the couch and not do squats.

An Australian man was able to pry his head out of the jaws of a crocodile after being attacked while snorkeling. The man suffered minor injuries, and the crocodile is amazed how much easier it is to breathe while swimming with the snorkel he stole.

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Ford Motor Company has decided to keep AM radios in their new vehicles, following protests from baby boomers who claim they’re ready to trade in their ’98 Escort any year now.

Florida Governor Ron Desantis’ announcement of his presidential candidacy on Twitter alongside Elon Musk was delayed by technical issues. Eventually, the pair were able to get back online where Musk announced that Desantis was fired.

Kourtney Kardashian Barker and Travis Barker announced that they’re still trying to have a baby, but they’ve stopped in vitro fertilization treatments. Medical professionals say in vitro could have worked if Kourtney hadn’t insisted on putting makeup on the eggs for The Kardashians tv show.

The New England Patriots were caught violating offseason practice rules and had to forfeit several days of OTAs – organized/optional team activities. The players were sent home, and three Chinese massage therapists were sent back to Orchids Of Asia spa.

Taylor Swift’s Eras Tour comes to Metlife Stadium in East Rutherford, New Jersey this weekend. Swift plans to commemorate the Memorial Day weekend with a moment of silence to remember those who totally, like, died because they couldn’t get tickets.

George Washington University changed the name of their athletic teams from Colonials after student complaints that colonialism represented systemic oppression. Their new name is Revolutionaries – despite complaints from GWU athletes that it’s nearly impossible to spell.

Former Pink Floyd frontman Roger Waters took the stage at a concert in Berlin dressed as a Nazi officer, after a video message appeared condemning antisemitism. Waters further confused and angered the crowd by performing a medley of Kanye West’s greatest hits.

Disney announced 2,500 layoffs, with impacted employees notified via musical greeting cards playing It’s A Smaller World.

Conservative Megyn Kelly blasted Target for selling ‘tuck-friendly’ swimsuits for women with “extra material around the crotch, which no woman needs because we don’t have penises down South in Rio.” Some straight women defended the design, saying they now had a place to hold their phone.

A Princess Leia dress worn by Star Wars actress Carrie Fisher is expected to sell for over $1 million at auction – with the dress valued at $750,000, and the cocaine in the pockets making up the difference.

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Actress Marcia Gay Harden says all three of her adult children identify as queer. She, herself, is now known as Marcia Queer Harden.

The 19-year-old who crashed a U-Haul truck in to the White House fence carried a Nazi flag. What makes it even more puzzling is he was able to rent the Nazi flag from U-Haul for $2.99/day.

Target is moving some Pride Month items from the front to the back of Southern U.S. stores following customer complaints. Walmart is moving Bud Light displays from the grocery section in Southern stores to the sidewalk out front next to a sign reading “FREE”.

A man with an AK-47 assault rifle in his vehicle was arrested at a Virginia preschool after saying he was headed to the CIA. Preschool teachers called the man’s Career Day presentation “troubling”.

Following a complaint from a Florida parent, Amanda Gorman’s poem ‘The Hill We Climb’ – read at President Biden’s inauguration – was moved from the elementary section of a school library to the middle school section. Another poem, ‘I Once Knew A Man From Nantucket’, author unknown. was moved to the high school section.

A woman claims she was vomited on and refused help cleaning up by security at a Taylor Swift concert. After hearing about the incident, Swift reached out and offered the woman free tickets to a future Insane Clown Posse show.

A ProPublica investigation reveals the latest college admissions scam – research papers written by students and published in so-called scholarly journals. Among them ‘Correlation Between Boob Size and Promposals‘ by a student who ended up getting a football scholarship, anyway.

A U.K. groom briefly addressed his wedding reception as envelopes were distributed containing pictures of the bride and best man having sex. After he left, teen boys in attendance called it the best party ever, and that was before they got to have cake.

A 17-year-old Columbus, Mississippi girl was arrested and charged for having sex with underage boys at a Mother’s Day party. She was released on bond and is now the Number One requested babysitter by underage boys.

A Florida man had his arm ripped off by an alligator while drinking behind Bandito’s Bar in Port Charlotte. The victim was grateful for being dragged to safety by another patron, and doubly grateful the gator tore off the arm that wasn’t holding his drink.

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A 19-year-old U-Haul driver is accused of ramming a truck in to the fence at the White House. He was taken into custody, and the friends who are helping him move are wondering if they’ll ever get their free pizza.

The Los Angeles Dodgers reinvited a group of drag queens to their Pride Night celebration. They’d been excluded following conservative criticism, but were told by Major League Baseball they couldn’t be banned because they’re all members of the San Francisco Giants.

An empty plot of land in Dubai sold for $34 million – ending a bidding war between Dubai toddlers playing in the sand, and cats shitting in it.

A bird was killed after being struck by a baseball hit by Cleveland Guardians Will Brennan. Brennan was credited with a single; the bird was taken out of the game for lack of hustle.

New GOP presidential candidate Tim Scott fired back at Whoopi Goldberg for her saying that Scott, who’s black, has ‘Clarence Thomas syndrome’. Scott thinks the criticism is unjust, but also wouldn’t mind having a white billlionaire friend take him on expensive vacations.

A new study suggests people listen to sad songs to feel ‘connected’ to others. Men specifically listen to sad Taylor Swift songs because they want girls who like them to connect with them at the genitals.

Artificial intelligence company Sanctuary debuted Phoenix, their new humanoid robot that stands 5’7″ and can lift 55 pounds. Phoenix cost $20 million to build and can earn $17 an hour working at an Amazon warehouse.

One of America’s most popular handguns, the SIG Sauer P320 semi-automatic, is reportedly firing on its own even when holstered or sitting at rest. So say some police officers use it, as well as a guy who claims it shot his wife six times on its own.

The latest fashion trend amond Gen Z women is wearing only sheer bras and underwear as evening apparel. Men and women say they like seeing the look on Gen Z, but not on Gen XXXL.

A mother of two whose boyfriend of 15 years dumped her before their wedding spent $37,000 on a ‘revenge body’ – including a boob job, face lift, lip fillers, hair transplants, a Brazilian butt lift, liposuction, and vagina tightening. The ex-boyfriend asked how much it would cost for her to lose her kids.

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Two million dimes were stolen from the back of a tractor trailer in Northeast Philadelphia in late April. Police are questioning a couple who’ve spent the last three weeks living in a grocery store lobby next to the Coinstar machine.

38 televisions were stolen from the back of a tractor trailer in Northeast Philadelphia. In other news, two recent parolees announced the grand opening of a sports bar.

Twitter Blue users can now upload two-hour videos. Twitter Blue user Kirk Cameron logged on to Twitter to premiere his new crappy movie about God or something.

A woman was asked to step on a baggage scale before boarding a small commuter plane to the U.S. because workers doubted her claim of weighing 130 pounds. She was indeed overweight, but was allowed to board after removing her buttocks.

Mexico City airports were shut down due to ash spewed from an active volcano. Airlines operating out of Mexico offered to remove balloons full of drugs from passenger’s rectums until they could be rebooked.

Former WWE wrestler and actor John Cena said he was a hypocrite for making fun of former WWE wrestler and actor Dwayne ‘The Rock’ Johnson’s movie career. Cena plans to move on and make fun of The Rock for trying to make the XFL happen.

Taylor Swift told an audience at Gillette Stadium in Massachusetts she’s “never been happier in her entire life”. She then put away the piece of paper showing how much money she’s made from the Eras Tour and continued singing.

A woman went into labor in the parking lot of the Taylor Swift concert at Gilette Stadium. She gave birth at a local hospital, but still owes $75 in fees to Ticketmaster for bringing the unborn child to the venue.

Iam Tongi of Hawai’i is the newest winner of American Idol. He wins $250,000, a recording contract, and a mention every six months in Katy Perry’s social media posts to remind everyone who he is.

Kim Kardashian talked about her “parenting challenges” raising four children – mostly remembering the names and fees of the eight nannies.

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Customers are furious that Starbucks is changing from cubed ice to crushed ice. However, more customers are furious that there’s crushed ice in the hot coffee they ordered.

Ukraine President Zelenskyy attended the G7 Summit in Japan. He’s looking forward to the cocktail party where he can get bombed figuratively instead of literally.

OpenAI is introducing a ChatGPT artificial intelligence app for iPhones. “Oh sh*t” said Siri.

Jane Fonda said a film director asked to have sex with her before filming a sex scene to understand what her orgasms are like. Even more surprising, it was during the making of ’80 For Brady‘.

Both 89-year-old Senator Dianne Feinstein and 29-year-old Justin Bieber suffered from Ramsey-Hunt syndrome, a paralysis caused by the shingles virus. It’s also known as the “Not Choosy About Looks” virus.

A man who drove his family off a cliff in their Tesla said he was pulling over to check a tire, whereas his wife says he was trying to kill them. He said he was right because he got out of the car at the bottom of the cliff and all four tires were flat.

The Masked Singer revealed Medusa – Bishop Briggs – as its newest champion. Leading to a flood of 50-and-over Google searches of ‘Who is Bishop Briggs?’

Disney will close the $4,800/night Star Wars hotel it opened just last year – resulting in the loss of about 100 jobs of hotel staff and sex droids.

Jimmy Buffett canceled a May 20th concert in Charleston after being admitted to a local hospital for treatment with a frozen concoction that helps him hang on.

The O.C. actress Rachel Bilson, who recently commented on a podcast that she likes to “be manhandled” during sex, said her frank comments cost her a job. The executive producers of ‘Paw Patrol On Broadway’ refused to comment.

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Legendary poker professional player Doyle Brunson cashed in his chips at the age of 89.

81-year-old Martha Stewart became the oldest cover model of the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue. Parents of teenage boys describe this year’s swimsuit issue cover as “less sticky” than past years.

A juror in the Lori Vallow Daybell trial spoke to Good Morning America after she was convicted in the murders of her children following two days of deliberations. The juror said it took two days for the verdict because they didn’t want to miss Taco Tuesday.

Dottie Fideli, 77, married herself in a “dream wedding” at her Ohio retirement community. However, the wedding night hit a snag when arthritis kept her from straightening her middle and index fingers.

The famed Jersey Shore town of Wildwood is considering banning alcohol from its beaches and iconic boardwalk, so the town can focus on building its burgeoning methamphetamine business.

Uber will now allow 13-to-18-year-olds to book their own rides on the service, following driver demands that they’d like to sexually harass younger women.

Oscar Mayer is renaming their iconic Weinermobile as the Frankmobile to emphasize their new recipe for all-beef franks, and because of the dork named Frank they hired to drive it.

Billie Eilish broke up with her boyfriend of less than a year, The Neighbourhood frontman Jesse Rutherford. Eilish told him not to stop by when he’s in The Neighbourhood.

New charges were filed against a New Jersey man who’d held a woman captive for nearly a year – including Kidnapping and Being a Terrible Listener.

JoJo Siwa’s California home was robbed overnight by two burglars. Cops are on the lookout for two armed men now wearing ridiculously large bows in their hair.