MSNBC’s ‘Morning Joe’ co-host Mika Brzezinski said that President Trump is reportedly ‘upset’ that he can’t watch porn in the White House. The Secret Service disputes the report, saying the problem is that they can’t find a VCR.

U.S. personnel in China have been sent home for health screenings out of fear over ‘sonic attacks’ – changes in noise that could cause minor brain injuries, similar to the effects of attending a Taylor Swift concert.

Debra Perelman has been named the first female CEO of Revlon. It’s being called the most expensive makeover in the company’s 66-year history.

Airlines are raising ticket prices, citing a 50% increase in the cost of jet fuel, and a 1000% increase in the cost of dog funerals.

Rebecca Bunting, an urban exploration photographer, died last weekend after she was swept away by flash floods while taking pictures inside a Philadelphia storm drain. Efforts to save her were unsuccessful, since she was too heavy to be pulled from the moving water by the rats in the drain with her.

Khloe Kardashian posted on her official app about difficulties breast feeding new daughter True, saying how hard it was helping True find her nanny’s breasts in the middle of the night.

The Unicode Emoji Subcommittee added red-haired and bald emojis this week, panicking blonde female smartphone users who thought something had gone horribly wrong.

Ski racer Lindsey Vonn and the NHL’s Nashville Predators defenseman P.K. Subban are dating. Vonn hooked Subban;  Subban confirmed several five-minute stints in the box for a high stick.

NASA will hold a discussion revealing the findings from its Mars Curiosity Rover – which has roamed Mars’ surface since 2012 – on June 7th. Expect them to mention it takes Curiosity forever to find a rest stop.

Comcast Business phone customers experienced a massive outage yesterday. Comcast said that the outage was fixed, and was happy to offer its business customers the same great experience of residential customers.

ICE agents arrested an illegal immigrant delivering pizza in Upstate NY. The man was held for possible deportation; the pizza was free.