Friday Jokes: July 8th

Philadelphia International Airport will receive $1 billion in federal funding, some of which will be used to upgrade bathrooms, to include balloon-filling stations and wider, more romantic stalls.

A new study finds that the missionary position is the best for achieving female orgasms…unless you’re a lesbian or a woman who takes longer than 90 seconds to achieve orgasm.

University of Pennsylvania researchers have developed tiny robots capable of brushing and flossing teeth. The robots took years to develop, since many of them died of heart failure consuming cheesesteak particles.

Japanese researchers developed electric chopsticks capable of enhancing the salt flavor in foods when touched to the tongue, helping those on low-sodium diets. American researchers gave up and asked for an electric salt-enhancing fork.

Stealthing – secretly removing a condom during intercourse – is still legal in Australia. Women are advocating for new laws to keep men from throwing their unprotected shrimp in the barbie.

Global monkeypox cases rose 77% in a week, according to the World Health Organization, who cited expanded global travel, and Carnival’s High Seas Sex With Monkeys cruises.

The manager of Morton’s Steakhouse in Washington DC criticized protesters who’d gathered outside the restaurant when they found out Supreme Court Justice Brett Kavanaugh was there. The manager reaffirmed Kananaugh’s right to eat in peace and pay $20 for a baked potato.

Ruja Ignatova, a woman who defrauded investors out of $4 billion by creating a fake cryptocurrency called OneCoin, was added to the FBI’s Ten Most Wanted List. Ignatova had offered to reimburse victims by paying them in TwoCoin.

Kim Kardashian and daughter North West received a private tour of the Louvre in Paris, spending several hours before realizing Dogs Playing Poker isn’t there.

Brad Pitt said he suffers from ‘facial blindness’, a condition where he struggles to remember people’s faces. Several of his one-night stands claim they, too, experienced facial blindness, but different from what he has.

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