Monday Jokes: August 8th

A fourth body was found in Lake Mead near Las Vegas as water levels recede due to drought conditions. Meanwhile, casino oddsmakers raised the over/under on Lake Mead corpses to six.

A 7-year-old boy with cerebral palsy took the field at the New York Jets Green & White open practice and scored a touchdown. Head Coach Robert Saleh announced he made the final roster and will play special teams.

The Cincinnati Reds (44-63) and Chicago Cubs (43-64) play Thursday in Major League Baseball’s annual ‘Field Of Dreams’ game in Dyersville, Iowa – where the dreams don’t include making the playoffs.

Khloe Kardashian and ex Tristan Thompson welcomed a second baby, born via surrogate. Khloe provided an egg, and Thompson’s sperm was provided by women in Milwaukee, Memphis and New Orleans that he met on a Chicago Bulls road trip.

California dermatologist Dr. Yue Yu was arrested and charged with poisoning her husband. Yu was hoping to get her own reality tv show ‘Dr. Liver Popper’.

A medical journal documented the case of a 45-year-old Mississippi woman whose orgasm caused a leak in her aorta. Doctors cited the rarity of the incident, noting that it’s usually bad sex that leaves a woman brokenhearted.

A large tree fell in Philadelphia’s Fairmount Park, injuring six people who’d gathered for the 50th reunion of West Philadelphia High School’s Class of 1972 – and validating the decision of 20 students who dropped out in 1969.

Pete Rose was criticized for saying “it was 55 years ago, babe” when replying to a female reporter’s question about statutory rape allegations with a 14-year-old girl. Rose was further criticized for adding he definitely wouldn’t have sex with the same girl now.

Grease‘ actor Eddie Deezen, who played nerd Eugene Felsnic in the film, was deemed mentally incompetent to stand trial on charges of burglarizing a nursing home. It’s the first time in history a judge has officially ruled ‘Deez Nuts’.

American Airlines rebooked a mom on a flight from New York to Chicago that would have required her to leave her 7-and-8-year-old sons behind in New York for two days. The mom pretended to be really, really upset about it.

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