Thursday Jokes: September 8th

Kellogg’s introduced new InstaBowls – single-serving breakfast cereal packages that include powdered milk, so you add water to them. Famous mascot Tony The Tiger says “They’rrrrrrrre Gross!”

The family of Queen Elizabeth is reportedly rushing to her side due to failing health. Duchess Meghan Markle is joining them, right after she rushes to the Queen’s jewelry cabinet.

General Motors is introducing its cheapest electric vehicle ever, the Equinox EV, a small SUV. The good news is it’s expected to cost $30,000; the bad news is it runs on 350 AA batteries.

A Michigan man was mauled by a grizzly bear after he and his partners encountered the bear and her 3 cubs while hunting moose. Wildlife officials called it a really bad surprise party.

The U.S. Army discharged a white supremacist who enrolled in the military after claiming he did so to ‘get better at killing black people’. A day later he enrolled in a police academy in the Midwest.

Philadelphia Police Inspector Charles Layton said the majority of the City’s record-high 946 year-to-date carjackings are parked vehicles. Although he praised some of the really fast runners who are able to jack moving cars.

A North Carolina teacher – charged with having sex with a student – was arrested again for inviting the same student to her house while she was on house arrest for ‘Netflix and Study Hall’.

Hend Bustami, 28, was arrested for skipping out on her bill at the Chili’s in Las Vegas airport, but said she was harassed by cops for being ‘too good looking’. It’s the boldest claim in recorded history by someone who ate an an airport Chili’s.

Kim Kardashian launched a private equity firm to fund startup companies. Despite the inherent risk, Kardashian is confident she won’t lose her ass.

A reptile wrangler was called to a home in Australia to remove a python from a reclining chair. The python wanted to kill the old man sitting in it but kept dozing off.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s