Monday Jokes: November 28th

Grubhub announced a delivery partnership with drug store Rite Aid. Their request to rebrand as Drughub was denied, since it’s already taken by a guy selling oxy out of his car in the Rite Aid parking lot.

Hawai’i’s Mauna Loa volcano erupted for the first time since 1984, as local officials issued an ashfall warning, and an advisory for women to switch to flame-retardant hula skirts.

Green Sprouts brand toddler sippy cups are being recalled over a lead poisoning risk, after dozens of toddlers described their apple juice as ‘very filling’.

Pop star Dua Lipa was granted Albanian citizenship by President Bajram Begaj, for her contributions to spreading international awareness to Albania. He then invited her to accept her citizenship in the brand-new Albanian tradition of wearing a thong bikini.

‘Gaslighting’ is Merriam-Webster’s Word Of The Year for 2022. They say it means you should run out and buy a new dictionary so you don’t look dumb.

European police agency Europol took down a ‘super-cartel’ controlling one-third of Europe’s cocaine supply, part of Operation Desert Light – or, what European partiers call Operation The Coke For My Xmas Party Just Got A Lot More Expensive.

A small plane struck an electrical tower and became stuck in it 100 feet above the ground while attempting to land in Maryland. The pilot and a passenger were rescued after a bystander dialed nine eleven.

A fugitive Florida man was arrested after a woman he stayed with last week was found with a hatchet protruding from her head. The man claims he misunderstood how she wanted to settle their differences before Thanksgiving dinner.

Dallas Cowboys owner Jerry Jones claims “curiosity” was what put him in a group of white students blocking black students from entering a school in 1957. Jones plans to meet with ‘curiosity’ Odell Beckham Jr in hopes of signing him and letting him in the locker room.

A hunter in Turkey died when his dog stepped on the trigger of a loaded rifle, shooting him. The dog then eloped with a deer.

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