Friday Jokes: January 13th

Atlantic City’s Mayor gave his State Of The City address, with plans to make the city more appealing to families. To help with that, Atlantic City prostitutes introduced new family plans.

Delaware’s Department of Motor Vehicles introduced a new virtual queue that lets you wait in your car instead of the office. Three drivers died after waiting several hours in hot cars.

Starbucks is ordering headquarters workers to report to the office 3 days a week. People who don’t work there can now ask employees to use the bathroom.

At least eight high school football players in Texas were hospitalized after their coach made them do 400 push-ups as punishment. The coach was suspended after the team was hit with 14 consecutive delay-of-game penalties.

The Trump Organization was fined $1.6 million in penalties after felony convictions for tax fraud. Then they were told they couldn’t pay the fine in Trump NFTs.

Kanye West is rumored to have secretly married Bianca Censori, who is a ‘architectural designer’ for Yeezy. Meaning, she laces up the sneakers.

Pepsi is updating its Zero Sugar beverage formula to give it more of a ‘real cola’ taste – it’ll be called Pepsi Lots Of Sugar.

A Connecticut family found a male black bear hibernating under their deck, and local wildlife officials said to leave it alone. The bear went back to sleep, and hopes they forget about him until the backyard toddler birthday party in March.

Director Michael Bay faces charges of killing a pigeon during a film shoot in Italy five years ago. Meanwhile a 12-year-old boy remains at large while shooting dozens of pigeons in a TikTok shoot after getting a bb gun for Christmas.

An 82-year-old Canadian man broke the Guinness World Record as the oldest person to perform a headstand. He also broke an unofficial record by becoming the oldest man to hit himself in the nose with his own balls.

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