Ed Winter, Los Angeles county coroner who autopsied some of the world’s biggest celebrities, has died. He’ll be honored with a star on the Hollywood Wall of Refrigerated Drawers of Fame.
The Chairperson of the Libertarian Party condemned convicted felon Joe Exotic for seeking the party’s nomination for U.S. President. Exotic made the announcement during a campaign stop at a license plate factory.
South Korea has the world’s lowest fertility rate, with an average of just 0.78 children for every woman of child-bearing age. South Korean women now have the world’s highest approval rating among single men.
Microsoft introduced Power Platform Copilot, an artificial intelligence that creates an app based off of a simple description of the app’s desired function. “Why is this app telling me to have sex with you?” asked thousands of wives and girlfriends looking at the new app on their phones.
Blac Chyna appeared in public for the first time since having her facial fillers dissolved and butt implants removed. Onlookers described her as long-faced and half-assed.
The Mayor of Miami Beach, Florida instituted a curfew after incidents of gun violence during Spring Break. In other news, area Wet T-Shirt contests are now Red T-Shirt contests.
Adam Sandler was honored with the Mark Twain Prize for American Humor at the Kennedy Center in Washington DC. At the Arkansas State Fairgrounds, Larry the Cable Guy was honored with the Ernest P. Worrell Prize for Southern American Humor.
Sydney Sweeney of HBO’s Euphoria said in an interview that she developed large breasts before other girls and felt ostracized for it. Now she has tv & movie roles and feels d-cized for it.
Porn star Stormy Daniels revealed she’d married porn star Barrett Blade at the end of 2022. This is Daniels fourth marriage – the other three ended when work got in the way.
Mexico’s President Andrés Manuel López Obrador said U.S. families are to blame for the fentanyl crisis because they don’t hug their kids enough. Mexicans entering the U.S. are already attempting to fix the problem by forming hug cartels.