A Delta Airlines jet safely landed at Charlotte Airport without its nose gear. “Got your nose gear!”, said a flock of passing geese.

Ghislaine Maxwell is reportedly so disliked at FCI Tallahassee that she’s been dubbed Prison Karen for her constant complaints about the lack of vegan food options and her inability to get black hair dye. It must be bad because she’s the only woman offering massage therapy and not getting any takers.

Madonna postponed her upcoming tour after being hospitalized with a severe bacterial infection. She recovering, and issued a statement “we are living in a bacterial world, and I am a bacterial girl.”

Kevin Costner’s estranged wife is demanding $248,000/month for child support. Costner alleges that some of the money is going to plastic surgery, so his ex amended her demand to Child/Breast/Buttock Support.

Following the change of hosts from Pat Sajak to Ryan Seacrest, hostess Vanna White is negotiating a raise in her reported $3 million annual salary. So far, she hasn’t solved Sony Entertainment’s latest offer of Y__’RE N_T GETT_NG __RE __NEY.

Rudy Giuliani is reportedly cooperating in an investigation of Donald Trump’s attempt to reverse the 2020 election. Giuliani is being held in protective custody by New York City’s newly appointed Rat Czar.

Twitter is reportedly rejoining a group battling online child sex abuse. This, after the group agreed to pay $5/month for Twitter Blue.

The Supreme Court is set to rule on student loan forgiveness programs. It’s not certain how they’ll rule, but Burger King is reportedly flooded with new applications.

The World Health Organization is reportedly planning to announce artificial sweetener aspartame as a possible carcinogen, making it the 237th good reason not to drink Diet Coke.

ESPN announced they’re laying off as many as 20 longtime on-air broadcasters & hosts. It’s expected to save parent company ABC/Disney millions of dollars, and save wear-and-tear on the Mute buttons of viewers everywhere.