The National Football League announced the 2023 salary cap for each team increases to $224.8 million, up from $208.2 million in 2022. To keep players from getting raises, team owners hired human resources execs to give “needs improvement” performance reviews.

U.S. Surgeon General Dr. Vivek Murthy said that 13-year-olds are too young to be on social media – needing several more years to hone their bullying skills to cut it.

52,000 pounds of Italian cold cuts were recalled for possible listeria contamination, or – as it’s more commonly known in the Italian community – E.gabbagoli.

Google fired over 12,000 employees, including over 24 in-house massage therapists, making it an unhappy ending for everyone.

Striking ‘Robin Hood’ energy workers in France are punishing their employers by giving free power to low-income households, schools and hospitals. It’s unclear how many recipients of the free power will actually use it to take a hot shower for once.

Ira ‘Bob’ Born, creator of marshmallow Peeps, passed away at age 98, after a failed attempt to revive him by putting him in a microwave.

Michael Jackson will be portrayed by his nephew, Jaafar, in a new biopic. As he prepares for the role, Jaafar has been banned from all Chuck E. Cheese locations.

A former school district official in a Chicago suburb was charged with embezzling $1.5 million worth of chicken wings. What began as a mild investigation grew hot, then became career suicide.

School districts are reconsidering the “run, hide, fight” strategy used during active shooter events, with some recommending confronting the shooter immediately. This, following administrators’ extensive consultations with Batman.

An attorney repsenting Cook County, Illinois announced they’ve dropped sex abuse charges against R. Kelly. However Kelly’s attorney said this brings her client “no relief”, that Kelly will only be happy when he’s free, and back among women relieving himself.