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A woman was arrested at an airport in Colombia for attempting to smuggle 130 poisonous dart frogs in her luggage. Worse, each of the frogs had swallowed several tiny balloons filled with cocaine.

Researchers believe they’ve found a link between ALS and smoking. They’re considering changing it from Lou Gehrig’s Disease to Joe Camel Disease.

Economists predict Valentine’s Day spending to top $14 billion – no thanks to your cheap boyfriend and his grocery store bouquet.

Two men drifting in the ocean after their boat sank were rescued by a passing Carnival Cruise ship – but only after the men asked if there was another, nicer, cruise ship coming along anytim soon.

Legendary singer/dancer/actress Chita Rivera died. She’s survived by her lesser-known sister, PlaysByTheRules Rivera.

National Geographic listed their 2024 Top Travel Destinations, including West Virginia. In other news, National Geographic’s Senior Travel Editor entered rehab for treatment of addiction to methamphetamine.

A 60-year-old woman was arrested after attacking a Frontier Airlines flight attendant who kept her from using the lavatory while the plane descended for landing in Philadelphia. Either way, sh*t was gonna go down.

UPS is cutting over 12,000 jobs, mostly middle management and contractors, but not whoever’s emailing to tell you your package shipped when they’ve only printed a label.

The maker of popular Stanley travel mugs say they contain lead, but are still safe, and that drinking from them will make you feel fuller, faster.

Elmo the Muppet posted on X to ask how everyone’s feeling, and many responded that they’re not doing great and may need help. Elmo sympathized, saying it hasn’t been easy living with a guy’s hand up his ass for over forty years.

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A North Carolina man surrendered a dog to a shelter because he thought it was gay. The dog regrets letting the man sniff his ass for ten minutes.

Cuoy Griffin, founder of ‘Cowboys for Trump’ was convicted at trial for breaching the Capitol in the January 6th riots. He’ll be sentenced once the jury is done rehearsing ‘Happy Trails’.

Boo, resident grizzly bear at Kicking Horse Mountain Resort animal preserve in British Columbia, Canada, emerged from his hibernation. Boo then grabbed an iPad and a couple magazines and went back into hibernation for another 45 minutes.

Three firefighters at a Virginia fire company welcomed newborn babies within hours of each other. One had a pregnant wife, the other two just picked up babies left outside the station house.

18 pounds of cocaine were found in a jet at Philadelphia International Airport – leading to a new speed record for airport workers unloading bags.

Florida now requires the completion of a ‘financial literacy’ course to graduate high school. The courses will be taught by drug & gun dealers who made millions after dropping out in 10th grade.

Police in Oldham, England responding to a call about an escaped tiger realized it was actually a large stuffed toy. The toy was returned to a little girl after cops finished removing 35 bullets.

Astronauts Raja Chari and Matthias Maurer spacewalked to install hoses and cables outside the International Space Station, then said they hoped that, one day, they could take a goddamn leisurely spacewalk without being asked to fix shit.

A man with ALS – Lou Gehrig’s Disease – is now able to communicate in full sentences after microchips were implanted in his brain. He was able to say “I don’t want anyone putting microchips in my brain”.

A trainer working with former NFL QB Colin Kaepernick claims multiple teams have inquired about speaking with him, asking when would be a good time to call and tell Kaepernick they’re not interested.