A second Norfolk Southern freight train derailed in Ohio. Unlike the East Palestine incident, no toxic chemicals were released, but first responders did report seeing a couple dozen banged-up hobos.

Walgreens refuses to distribute abortion pills in 21 GOP controlled states. They’ll still sell you condoms, but you have to tell the clerk the secret word.

The Gulf Cartel allegedly bound and surrendered five men who kidnapped and killed Americans traveling to Mexico for plastic surgery. Next to the men, the cartel left a note reading “Interns? Am I right?”

Jaxon Italiano is the new world record holder for pull-ups, completing 8,008 of them in 24 hours. Instead of taking breaks, he also wore pull-ups.

Mitch McConnell suffered a concussion after tripping and falling at a fundraising dinner. Dinner organizers said if they knew patrons would see McConnell getting concussed, they could have charged more for tickets.

Salesforce laid off hundreds of employees this week, becoming Smaller Salesforce.

The Philadelphia Flyers fired General Manager Chuck Fletcher. They made their decision after telling Fletcher they were thinking of letting him go, and he didn’t want to fight anyone to keep it.

Joe Biden released his federal budget plan, which completely eliminates White House spending on Diet Coke, but increases spending on Werthers Originals.

Lauren Boebert, 35, revealed she’ll be a grandmother. Her 17-year-old son and his girlfriend are expecting a baby in two months. The expecting teen mom is thrilled she’ll get to wear Boebert’s prom gown this month.

Kids breakfast beverage Sunny D is now lending its name to Sunny D Vodka Seltzer, a breakfast beverage for some adults.