A Wendy’s customer in Louisiana is suing after contracting e.coli, septic shock and internal hemorrhaging after eating a cheeseburger. Then, a different customer was sickened ordering the Son Of Contaminated Cheeseburger meal.

A lesbian got engaged to her favorite high school teacher ten years after graduating. The teacher named her former student to the on-her roll.

McDonald’s is temporarily closing its Illinois headquarters building as it prepares to announce layoffs, and to add a drive-thru where workers can pick up their personal belongings.

A New York City man was arrested in a string of drugging men at gay bars, before they could go home with a guy and drug each other.

25 train cars derailed in Montana. Officials are relieved that no toxic chemicals were spilled from the cars, just people.

Starbucks customers are reportedly complaining of stomach issues after drinking their new olive oil infused coffees. They are also complaining of pants issues.

Asa Hutchinson announced he’s running for President in 2024. He’s kicking off his presidential campaign right after he completes a campaign to remind everyone who the hell Asa Hutchinson is.

A new poll states a third of U.S. workers would take a pay cut if they could be allergy-free for a year. Several U.S. companies responded by cutting pay 30% and opening an all-you-can-eat Benadryl station in the company cafeteria.

UFC and WWE are merging. UFC is pleased to announce that, starting with UFC 287 on April 8th, fighters are allowed to use folding chairs.

A Pennsylvania man was arrested after breaking in to a diner at 4a.m., eating a cheesecake and a prime rib roast, then breaking in to an Adult World porn shop at 6a.m. The man told cops he just wanted dinner and a movie. [story h/t to J.O.!]