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Melania Trump invited Joshua Trump, an 11-year-old from Wilmington, Delaware who claims he’s been bullied because of his last name, to attend the State of the Union address. “Hey, whatever gets me out of Wilmington, Delaware” said Joshua.

  • Joshua fell asleep at the State of the Union, and awoke to find that he’d gotten $5 million in donations to run for a Delaware congressional seat as a Democrat.

President Trump said he’ll build a “human wall” if necessary on the Southern U.S. border — adding he’s encouraged by the flood of applications already received from Guatemalan immigrants seeking to be human bricks.

A North Carolina college student living in an off-campus apartment thought her home was haunted by ghosts, but then found a 30-year-old man in her closet wearing her clothes. Police said it isn’t a first for a North Carolina man wearing women’s clothing to stay in the closet.

New York Giants QB Eli Manning and wife Abby welcomed their fourth child, Charlie, just after midnight on Super Bowl Sunday. The baby would have arrived late Saturday, but Manning let the clock run a full 35 seconds before changing the play to Big Push.

The Los Angeles Dodgers finally revealed that a 79-year-old woman died after being struck by a foul ball at Dodger Stadium during a game last August. Paramedics were credited with a blown save.

In NHL action, the San Jose Sharks defeated the Winnipeg Jets in their annual ‘Manitoba Side Story’ game.

Roger Alvarado, 22, was sentenced to six months in jail for breaking into Taylor Swift’s New York townhouse. Alvarado used the shower, slept in Swift’s bed, and co-wrote the diss track about him for Swift’s next album.

Richard Branson announced Virgin Voyages – an adults-only cruise line launching with new cruise ship Scarlet Lady in 2020. In keeping with the 21-and-over theme, the Scarlet Lady will take to the seas with a strain of norovirus first placed in a petri dish in 1998.

Kendall Jenner debuted new bangs. Her hair, not NBA player/boyfriends.

Google released Password Checkup, a new Chrome browser security extension. It tells you if your recent passwords have been detected in a data breach, and tells everyone whose password is PASSWORD or PASSWORD1 that they’re on their own.

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Southwest Airlines mailed $5,000 checks and $1,000 travel vouchers to each of the passengers on Flight 1380, where a passenger died after an engine blew. Allegiant Air got the passenger list and mailed each of them a chance to “relive their midair thrill ride”.

‘Smallville’ actress Allison Mack was arrested for her part in an alleged sex cult, NXIVM, that recruited women to be slaves of founder Keith Raniere while giving him thousands of dollars. The arrest is the culmination of a year-long investigative report by The Daily Planet’s Lois Lane.

Kateri and Jay Schwandt of Rockford, Michigan – parents of 13 boys – welcomed a 14th boy, Finley Sheboygan Schwandt. The older boys sent invitations to an upcoming ceremony welcoming him to the family with his first wedgie and noogie.

President Trump’s doctor, Rear Admiral Ronny Jackson, faces Senate confirmation hearings to become the new secretary of the Department of Veterans Affairs. His first meeting will be a private one, where he’ll be asked to turn his head and cough.

A Texas charter school teacher is apologizing after issuing an assignment to an 8th grade history class, asking them to document “positive aspects of slavery.’ The teacher was placed on leave, but not before giving an ‘A’ to a student who listed ‘agricultural skill building’, ‘team-based learning’, and ‘peer-to-peer networking opportunities’.

A 10-year-old girl in Carlisle PA was the only student in her grammar school to request participation in the National School Walkout, so she was joined by her father. After the protest, her dad returned to his 11th grade shop class.

An ‘overwhelmed’ Brooklyn U.S. Postal Service mailman is accused of stashing over 17,000 pieces of mail, some dating back to 2005. An underachieving man still delivering pizzas in Bed Stuy was devastated to learn he didn’t get into Harvard’s Class of 2010 after all.

Lebron James bought all of his Cleveland Cavaliers teammates matching suits prior to Game 3 of their playoff series against the Indiana Pacers – a game the Cavs lost to go down 2-1 in the series. James said he bought the suits so the other players can look good interviewing for their next team.

22-year-old Roger Alvarado of Homestead, Florida was arrested for breaking into Taylor Swift’s New York City townhome, where police discovered him taking a nap. Alvarado is hoping to post bail so that he can resume touring and break into Swift’s other homes.

Harley Davidson motorcycles is hiring paid summer interns to ride Harleys across the country. A spokesperson said that the interns’ majors aren’t as important as looking like they plan to drop out.

An Iowa woman who left her four children – 12-year-old twins, a 7- and a 6-year-old – home alone with a loaded handgun while she visited Germany for 11 days, was sentenced to two years’ probation. She is forbidden from contact with her children, but is expected to return to accept a German Mother Of The Year Award.

A South Texas man was sentenced to 50 years in prison for stealing $1.2 million worth of fajitas. Prior to sentencing, the judge warned him that his jail cell would be extremely hot.

Nabi Tajima, the world’s oldest woman, died in her native Japan at age 117. Experts estimate she was at least 20 years late to her own funeral.