Tinder is updating their app, allowing users to define their desired ‘Relationship Type’ to accommodate Gen Z preferences for non-monogamy. Choices include “open relationship”; “hierarchical polyamory”; and “your face on my genitals then you leave”.

Artificial intelligence ChatGPT can now pass the bar exam. Aspiring lawyer Kim Kardashian announced she’s now sleeping with ChatGPT.

French citizens rioted over a government proposal to raise the country’s retirement age from 62 to 64. They plan to resume rioting after they take their required four-hour midday break.

Snoop Dogg is launching a new premium coffee brand – the first-of-its-kind coffee you can smoke.

Apple announced the upcoming iPhone 15 Pro Max will break the record for the thinnest bezels of any smartphone – surrounding a glass screen that cracks the first time you drop it.

The U.S. State Department warns of a delay in passport processing for international travelers. “We’ve been waiting six months and this is unacceptable” said the new head of Al Qaeda.

New research from Spanish urologists finds the average penis increases 42% in size from a flaccid to erect state. Research from Spanish sex shop retailers finds the average penis size increases 100% between the first and second sex-toy purchases.

California is considering a ban on candy containing carcinogenic additives, such as Skittles, Sour Patch Kids and others. This, after dozens of children were found to be undergoing chemotherapy to battle malignant Pezanoma.

Actress Sharon Stone, speaking to a Women’s Cancer Research Fund benefit, talked of her recent breast cancer scare and financial struggles, saying “I lost half my money to this banking thing”. It’s unclear if she was a customer of Silicon Valley Bank, or if she threw out the mattress in her guest room.

A Florida man was arrested after demanding oral sex from a massage therapist and pointing a gun at her after being told she doesn’t engage in that activity. He was charged, then released after being told by cops where they ‘do’ engage in that activity.