A Week of Dumb Topical Jokes

A transgender man in Portland Oregon is pregnant with his first child. The man and his partner have decided to keep the child’s gender a secret, for 30 years.

A new report from Credit Suisse says that 25% of U.S. shopping malls will be closed within 5 years. Analysts also project a surge in mall Santas driving for Uber.

SpaceX has delayed the historic launch of a used rocket, after reading its Carfax.

Following Trump’s announcement withdrawing the U.S. from the Paris Climate Accord, Elon Musk announced that he is leaving the President’s Business Advisory Council. Also leaving, Disney CEO Bob Iger and COO Goofy.

“Cash Me Outside” girl Danielle Bregoli has sued a smartphone game maker for using her likeness and catchphrase. The object of the smartphone game is to keep you interested in it for longer than a week.

Eric Trump told Fox News host Sean Hannity that Democrats in Washington “aren’t even people.” Eric then finished drinking blood and rushed home to get to his basement before sunrise.

Saudi Arabia, Bahrain, United Arab Emirates, Egypt and Yemem all broke off diplomatic relations with Qatar – surprising Americans who learned those are actually six different countries.

Shares of Alphabet, parent company of Google, topped $1.000/share. The milestone was commemorated by a Google Doodle depicting the Board of Directors rolling in piles of money.

A man died from swimming too soon after getting a tattoo reading “Jesus Is My Life”. The mortician was busy changing Is to Was.

Wonder Woman broke box office records on opening weekend. Analysts said ticket sales would have been even higher if each showing didn’t take 25 extra minutes getting ready.

Lebanon has banned screenings of Wonder Woman because lead actress Gal Gadot is Israeli. No word on whether Lebanon will screen upcoming holiday blockbuster “Kosher King Kong”.

MIT researchers have developed a new pasta that starts flat, but becomes three-dimensional when placed in water. “How did you guys get in here?” asked the researchers in the adjacent lab working on curing infectious disease.

Former WWE Wrestler Kane is running for Mayor in rural Tennessee. Asked for his qualifications, he replied “I used to be on TV.”

Oceanographers have discovered a “fish without a face” that swims 4,000 feet below sea level.  The fish can only be found off the Australian coast, and at the Seafood Buffet at Golden Corral.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s