A school district in Niagara County, New York paid a $10,000 settlement to a 10-year-old girl who suffered frostbite while snowshoeing in gym class. Cases are pending from other students who broke their legs warming up doing jumping jacks with the snowshoes on.

The Wall Street Journal reported that lawyers for President Trump made a $130,000 ‘hush payment’ in 2016 to porn star Stormy Daniels in exchange for her silence regarding a meeting with him. No word on how much was paid to the President’s fluffer.

A 55-year-old Texas woman accused of fatally shooting her husband had recently done an Internet search for “how to kill someone and not get caught.” She then started a search for ‘how to permanently delete browser hist–‘ but then got distracted and searched ‘gun dealers’.

President Trump completed his first physical exam since taking office. The physician declared Trump to be “in excellent physical condition”, disappointing millions.

A Florida man was attacked by a bear in his backyard, since it’s believed alligators have the week off.

Sea lions have reportedly attacked four swimmers in San Francisco Bay. The sea lions bit the swimmers, before telling them this spot was ‘locals only’ and returning to surfing.

A judge in Pennsylvania ordered an Amish family to connect their outhouse to the local municipal sewer system, even though the electric motor required to do so violates their religious beliefs. The Yoder family has yet to comply, while saying it’s dangerous having to hold it while they buggy to their cousin’s outhouse two towns over.

Police chased down a Greyhound bus after receiving a 911 call from a passenger claiming that someone on the bus had a gun and was threatening them. Cops eventually apprehended the man, and the remaining passengers resumed their singalong.

WWE woman superstar wrestler Paige announced her retirement, citing a neck injury. She had hoped to return to the ring, but WWE specialists said that her neck isn’t responding to treatment with folding chairs and piledrivers.

A 20-year-old Florida man came forward to claim the $451 million Mega Millions jackpot. Women at his community college told local reporters that they’d never noticed until now just how cute he is.

Flu activity in the U.S. is reported as widespread in every state except for Hawaii. Emergency rooms say that they’re overwhelmed with visitor volume – but are thankful that people without health insurance are probably toughing it out at home.