The NBA Dallas Mavericks are investigating complaints of sexual harassment by their front office executives, and complaints from players that they’re running out of groupies to sexually harass.

According to a USA Today poll, 94% of women in Hollywood claim they’ve been victims of sexual harassment or assault. The remaining 6% are believed dead.

A 22-year-old driver in Detroit lost control of their vehicle and died after striking a giant pothole. Emergency responders arrived, circled the pothole with white paint, and left.

Royal Caribbean Cruise Lines showed off its new Symphony of the Seas, the largest passenger cruise ship in history.  The name Symphony of the Seas comes from the sound of hundreds of passengers with norovirus vomiting at the same time.

Retired hero pilot ‘Sully’ Sullenberger weighed in on controversy surrounding EPA Chief Scott Pruitt’s flying first class because it’s safer than coach. “First class is not safer than economy” said Sullenberger; adding “especially if you’re landing in a river.”

The Transportation Security Authority said that they found 104 firearms in carry-on bags at airports between February 5th and 11th, a new one-week record. 87 of the guns were loaded and 38 had a live round in the chamber, because people flying Southwest really want that aisle seat.

The Philadelphia Eagles filed for a trademark to own the phrase “Philly Special” – the name of their Super Bowl trick play. They face an uphill fight against South Philly prostitutes, who claim they’ve used the phrase to describe a $50 deal on sex that comes with a free pretzel.

A new Quinnipiac University poll finds that 97 percent of Americans want universal background checks for gun buyers, although the other 3 percent said they’d probably want them, too, if you put a gun to their head.

Uber announced a new carpooling service called Uber Express Pool, which it says will cost half as much as Uber Pool. The service works like a bus, where a small group of Uber passengers go to a shared pickup spot, get in, and eat/fart/masturbate until arriving at their stop.

Former Des Moines, Iowa TV meteorologist Frank Scaglione was reportedly banned from visiting his former high school for pursuing underage boys through social media. Scaglione’s attorney denied the charges, saying he was just offering to show the boys what a warm front looks like.