Wednesday Jokes: January 2

Supreme Court Chief Justice John Roberts commented that federal judges must end sexual abuse & harassment. “You said it, boss!” remarked Clarence Thomas & Brett Kavanaugh.

Jeanne Calment, – record-holder for world’s oldest person – who died in 1997 at the age of 122 may have lied about her age. A mathematician alleges Calment took the identity of her dead mother. Calment now holds the record for dumbest woman ever to lie about her age by making it older.

YouTube celebrity Cameron Dallas was arrested after allegedly bloodying the face of a fellow guest at his Aspen hotel. Dallas was charged with assault, the victim got a bunch of hits.

Massachusetts raised the legal age for smoking tobacco cigarettes from 19 to 21. The legal age for smoking Juul and other vaping devices remains “anyone old enough to have thirty bucks.”

The state of Illinois approved bright pink as second safety color for outdoor hunters, giving them an additional option to traditional bright orange. Hunters wearing pink and orange together will be ticketed for poor taste.

Vermont will pay remote workers employed by out-of-state companies up to $10,000 to move to the state. President Trump is moving 500,000 federal government workers to Vermont to pay for his $5 billion border wall.

The state of Ohio will require public school students to be capable of reading & writing printed letters by the end of third grade, and cursive before completing the fifth grade – unless, of course, they’ve been given football scholarships to Ohio State before then.

A Chipotle customer in Malden, Massachusetts bit into a chicken burrito and chipped his tooth on a half-inch metal nail. Chipotle apologized, and said they’ll try a different way to keep burritos from unfolding.

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