Tuesday Jokes: March 26

Big Bird appeared on stage at Apple’s press event. He helped announced a new Sesame Workshop program that will teach children how to code once their shift is over at the iPad factory.

Apple announced a credit card that would be accessed via the iPhone. So if you’re too broke to fix your iPhone after you drop it, your credit card will be declined.

Attorney Michael Avenatti was charged with attempting to extort $20 million from Nike. Nike said they didn’t care what sneakers Stormy Daniels wore when she banged Donald Trump.

A chunk of ice twice the size of Manhattan could break off of Antarctica at any time. Impacted polar bears promise they’ll return to their parents ice floe to visit.

Yale University rescinded the admission of a student whose family paid $1.2 million in the current college admissions scandal to get them in. But, wouldn’t you know it, they found a different student whose family would give $1.3 million to Yale directly!

Avengers:Endgame is over three hours long. Bored parents and girlfriends are hoping Thanos isn’t defeated too soon so he can use the Time Stone to speed things up.

A gigantic T. Rex skeleton found in Canada is officially the world’s biggest. It’s believed the T. Rex moved to Canada to avoid the war with cavemen.

New Jersey lawmakers approved a ‘Right to Die’ bill for terminally ill patients. Those who can afford medical euthanasia will be free to do so; less affluent people will be allowed  to swim during Jersey Shore riptides.

A new study finds that old people can generate fresh brain cells. Doctors made the discovery while showing nursing home residents never-before-seen episodes of ‘Murder She Wrote’.

A Houston, Texas woman gave birth to three sets of twins in nine minutes. “I never say this, but you might want to stop pushing” said the attending doctor.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s