Wednesday Jokes: June 19th

Officials in Delaware report more cases of Vibrio vulnificus – a flesh-eating bacteria infecting those with open cuts swimming or wading at beaches. Officials say the problem is biggest in Delaware because bacteria there like to eat when they’re bored.

Nintendo will launch its newest mobile phone & tablet game, Dr. Mario World, on July 10th. They say revenue will come from in-game purchases and that, like many others, Dr. Mario will not accept new patients with Obamacare.

Federal agents seized 16 tons of cocaine at a shipping port in Philadelphia. There was so much, they asked Philadelphia International Airport baggage handlers to help move it – resulting in all evidence being lost or destroyed. C

The latest dating trend is “cookie jarring” – keeping a non-serious backup romance in a ‘cookie jar’ as a fallback while you pursue a first choice. Women especially dislike being kept in the cookie jar – while men are fine with it, provided the cookies come with sex.

Retired baseball star & convicted felon Lenny Dykstra was dumpster diving outside a Jersey Mike’s sub shop because he left his dentures in a napkin that the restaurant threw out. He was joined by other Jersey Mike’s customers looking for their lost self-respect.

Google announced a commitment to invest $1 billion in Bay Area, California to help build 15,000 new homes for low-to-medium income residents – so, anyone who only makes a half-million dollars a year.

Viral video captured the moment a flight attendant was slammed into the ceiling of a jet during severe turbulence en route from Kosovo to Switzerland. The flight attendant is said to be okay, while the passenger shooting the video still wants his damn Diet Coke.

Coca-Cola is holding a contest for the public to come up with its next flavor. The early frontrunner is Original Cocaine flavor, because they already have the recipe.

Brett Favre was trending on Twitter as rumors circulated about his coming out of retirement. He said he’s staying retired, but wanted everyone to know that he came up with the whole ‘show your penis to massage therapists’ thing long before Robert Kraft.

MTV announced the cancellation after one season of “Lindsay Lohan’s Beach Club”, and that the Mykonos, Greece nightclub location for the show is closed. VH1 announced the premiere date for their new show, “Lindsay Lohan’s Beach Club Is Closed”.

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