Wednesday Jokes: October 2nd

After a 16-year-old Maryland girl complained about headaches and pain in her arm, her mother found out she received a birth control implant at her school. The family requests privacy as the girl recovers and sorts through dozens of promposals.

Supermodel Gigi Hadid intervened when a 23-year-old comedienne jumped on the runway at the Chanel show during Paris fashion week. No one was harmed, or really did much of anything, because it was a fashion show.

A police drone discovered an escaped Chinese criminal missing for 17 years living in a cave in remote Chinese mountains.  The drone was working undercover pretending to deliver snacks the fugitive ordered from Amazon.

The Korean PGA tour suspended a player for three years after he gave someone in the crowd ‘the finger’ for noise from their cellphone camera. Many were surprised to learn there are male pro golfers in Korea.

A turtle who’s resided at the Philadelphia Zoo for 30 years received a coconut oil massage, capped off by an impossibly slow happy ending .

A new company, Micron, reportedly has developed a smart toilet that analyzes human waste to diagnose health and risk of disease. So far, the most frequent message communicated by the toilet is “lay off the hot chicken wings”.  [story h/t to A.O.]

Two Philadelphia high schools were closed after exposed asbestos was discovered. The senior class at each school is being bombarded with scholarship offers from Philadelphia mesothelioma lawyers.

Spain’s first women-only hotel opened in Mallorca. After being bombarded with nonstop questions on opening day, the Concierge quit.

A judge ruled in favor of Harvard University’s admissions process, and against a group of Asian-American plaintiffs, who say the process favors blacks and hispanics. “Good call” said the Harvard football coach.

A 59-year-old Florida man was arrested for cutting the brake lines on over 100 electronic scooters – and he would have gotten away with it if it wasn’t for those pesky scooter-riding teenagers.



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