Thursday Jokes: October 3rd

McDonald’s in Canada is testing a plant-based burger served with lettuce and tomato called the McPLT. Customers preferred that name to the McPPP.

A Virginia doctor will serve 40-years for illegally prescribing more than a half-million doses of opioids. He’ll report for prison, where his calendar is already booked solid.

A new study by AAA finds new auto safety features intended to keep drivers from hitting pedestrians don’t work properly after dark.  The study is being cited in a class action lawsuit filed against automakers by deer.

Tesla’s new “Smart Summon” feature – allowing users to have their car drive to them in parking lots from distances to 200 feet – has already caused multiple crashes with other vehicles. Tesla is updating the feature to Smart Summon an ambulance.

New research suggests getting tattoos may help boost the body’s immune response – so go ahead and have unprotected sex with that healthy tattooed prostitute.

A Texas high school cheerleader jumped off her float in the homecoming parade to perform the Heimlich Maneuver on a choking two-year-old. The cheerleader was concerned because the boy repeatedly failed to give her a T.

Chevrolet announced a radical change to the Corvette. For the first time, the engine will be behind the seats instead of under the hood. So now instead of the engine being ruined when you hit a tree, your luggage will be.

Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson surprised a woman on her 100th birthday with a serenade, but not the naked pictures she really wanted.

Three men found floating on bales of cocaine after a shipwreck were rescued by the Colombian Navy. The three men were later identified as officers in the Colombian Navy.

Gwen Stefani turned 50. She now ain’t no Hollaback Woman.


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