Friday Jokes: April 10th

Some Instacart customers are luring employees to fulfill their orders with tips of $50 or more, then removing them after receiving their order. A new startup, Instavandal, identifies them so enterprising punks can absolutely trash their houses & lawns.

Saturday Night Live returns this weekend with new, remotely-produced content – but somehow Pete Davidson has a conflict and can’t do it.

A new study published in journal Science theorizes that a crew of monkeys rode a natural raft from Africa to South America around 35 million years ago. As for why the monkeys took to the sea, they say pteradactyls charged too much for airfare.

Singapore stopped teachers from using Zoom, after men crashed a teen girls geography class to make lewd comments. To discourage future class disruptions, Singapore teachers are inviting the men to watch disruptive teen girls caned during detention instead.

Melania Trump shared a photo of herself wearing a cloth facemask. Asked where she got it, she said she still had it from her days robbing convenience stores back in Slovenia.

Scientists created a mutant enzyme that decomposes one ton of plastic bottles in 10 hours. They tried it out on a day’s worth of Mountain Dew bottles collected while TLC Network recorded new episodes of ‘My 600-Lb Life’.

Mark Wahlberg is hosting a second Instagram Live workout from his home; this time, he’s hoping to see some straight guys watching it.

A new website, imisstheoffice.eu , plays audio to replicate sounds common at most offices. You can even navigate to the executive-only floor to hear how the cute new hire got the promotion instead of you.

Prosecutors in the college admissions scandal released the rowing machine photos of Lori Loughlin’s daughters, submitted to get them on the USC Crew Team. Daughter Bella is seen leaning back mid-stroke, while Olivia Jade is pouring water under hers.

In a recent poll, 72% of Americans said they would not attend sporting events in person prior to a successful COVID-19 vaccine. The number increased to 99% when asked specifically about their preteen kids’ tee ball & soccer games.

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