Tuesday Jokes: May 31st

Actress Busy Phillips said she and her husband have been separated for a year. He’s still been getting busy, but has not been getting Busy.

A truck crashed in western Pennsylvania, spilling 15,000 pounds of hot dog filler on to a highway. Nathan’s Famous Hot Dogs announced their July 4th hot dog eating contest was being moved from Coney Island to a highway in western Pennsylvania.

The FDA is investigating a hepatitis A outbreak lined to organic strawberries. Consumers are advised to discard any berries they’ve purchased, and not to eat Grandma’s hepatitis shortcake.

Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi’s husband was charged with DUI after crashing his Porsche in Napa Valley, California – proving she can drive both Republicans and Democrats to drink.

A man at the Louvre Museum in Paris threw cake at the famous Mona Lisa. She stopped smiling because she knows it’s going straight to her hips.

A golden tabernacle valued at $2 million was stolen from a Brooklyn church. Priests are furious because they planned to sell it themselves to fund vacations with altar boys to Fire Island.

The World Health Organization said it’s unlikely the current monkeypox outbreak will lead to another global pandemic. However, they’re concerned that banana growers will be unable to keep up with the number of victims getting ‘long monkeypox’.

Sonic Drive-In workers at a Georgia restaurant were shocked when they found a three-and-a-half-foot snake living behind the deep fryer. The non-venomous ball python was easily captured since it was comatose from tater tot ingestion.

China’s Zheng Qinwen’s quest for an upset of top-ranked Iga Swiatek at tennis’s French Open was derailed when she experienced menstrual cramps after taking the first set, then losing. “I wish I were a man”, Zheng said. “So do we” said her parents.

More than 1 billion methamphetamine pills were seized by authorities in East and Southeast Asia last year as the region’s production of illegal synthetic drugs soars. In other news, the Governor of West Virginia announced a landmark trade deal with East and Southeast Asian nations.

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