Wednesday Jokes: June 1st

Reality tv star Stephanie Matto, who’d already started a business selling her farts in a jar, is now selling her ‘boob sweat’ and claiming to make $5,000/day doing so. Most of the revenue is from illiterate moms still desperate for baby formula.

Mothers of newborns are doing their part during the U.S. baby formula shortage by pumping extra breast milk, although many shoppers wish they weren’t doing so in the baby food aisle at the grocery store.

Lucid Motors’ Lucid Air electric sedan won Motor Trend Car Of The Year honors in its first year of existence, the best showing by a first-year automaker since the Yugo GV took 48th place in 1986.

Doctors are advising monkeypox patients to abstain from sex while symptomatic – or, at the very least, to put a condom on their banana.

Florida GOP Congressman Matt Gaetz listed his reasons for regular citizens needing an AR-15 assault rifle, starting with the possibility that the 16 year old girl you just paid for doesn’t think you’re the right guy for her.

Retired football star & Georgia GOP candidate Herschel Walker is mad at Donald Trump, calling him a liar because he claims it was God – not Trump – who convinced him to run for Senate. God said if he got involved in elections, there would have been a different 45th U.S. President.

Both pilots of an ITA Airways jet flying from New York to Italy reportedly fell asleep, losing contact with air traffic control. The pilots cited fatigue from alcohol consumption and cockpit sex with flight attendants.

A man who fathered 15 children via sperm donation for lesbian couples failed to inform them he has a genetic disorder that causes learning disabilities. The lesbians are disappointed, but say they probably shouldn’t have bought sperm at Big Lots.

A New Jersey teenager and geneaology expert solved a 57-year-old cold murder case in Pennsylvania – matching DNA to a bartender who died in 1980. Police exhumed the body to confirm the match and to slap handcuffs on the skeleton.

Netflix, faced with subscriber declines and cost increases, said they’ve reset their feature film strategy, focusing on fewer, better, bigger films – and whatever junk Adam Sandler decides he wants to do.

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