Monday Jokes: August 15th

Shanghai IKEA was shut down by Chinese authorities as a COVID case was traced to the store. Shoppers rushed to the exits, which only took them 45 minutes to find.

Spider-Man actor Tom Holland is taking a social media break for the sake of his mental health. Holland said he deleted Instagram and Twitter, but can’t leave the Web altogether.

Starbucks is asking the National Labor Relations Board to void mail-in ballots for an upcoming vote to unionize by Kansas City area workers. Similarly, workers asked the NLRB not to allow Starbucks to make workers cast ballots on voting machines in the restrooms.

Polio virus was detected in New York City’s sewage system – along with several paralyzed alligators.

India’s Prime Minister Narendra Modi promised to make India a ‘developed country’ in the next 25 years. And to maybe have drinkable water in the next 125 years.

Georgia U.S. Rep. Marjorie Taylor-Greene said white men are the most persecuted identity in America, and they turn to porn and video games because they have no other opportunities. “See Mom, SHE gets it!” said Georgia 30-year-olds living in their parents basement.

Child development experts say toddler tantrums can be solved with ‘The 10 Minute Miracle’ – giving your child 10 minutes of undivided attention. They say in many cases it won’t even take 10 minutes, because you can strangle them in about 2.

The 100th Anniversary of the ice-cream bar is being commemorated by the Tipsy Scoop company with a Dive Bar – infused with Miller High Life beer, tobacco smoke and peanuts. Like real-life dive bars, you’ll kick it out and tell it never to come back.

A Texas pedophile died when he drank a mystery liquid as a jury found him guilty of sexual assault. In other news, a recall notice has been issued for Mountain Dew Convicted Pedophile Blast soda.

A Child Protective Services worker in Texas was fired for telling a 14-year-old girl who threatened to run away from home that she could become a prostitute. The worker said she made a mistake, she thought the girl was 16.

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