Wednesday Jokes: February 1st

Actress Cindy Williams, who played Shirley Feeney on Laverne & Shirley, passed away. She was predeceased by Penny Marshall, who played Laverne DeFazio. An OSHA investigation into asbestos contamination at Shotz Brewery is currently underway.

Tom Brady announced he’s retiring ‘for good’. To honor his contribution to the sport, The National Football League will assign him a personal valet to throw a yellow flag whenever someone bumps into him.

Nikki Haley announced her run for President. Until now ‘Nikki For President’ was just a failed Disney Channel pilot.

The Rock & Roll Hall of Fame announced its 2023 list of nominees. “A little bit of heartbreak, in my life” said Lou Bega.

A German woman found her lookalike online, then murdered her to fake her own death. The bad news is she got caught; the good news is the victim’s family gets the money for the Lifetime movie that was filmed in one week after the killing.

Ozzy Osbourne announced he’s retiring from touring. “What did he say?” replied everyone.

A couple abandoned their baby at Tel Aviv airport as they boarded a flight to Belgium. They wanted to preboard along with other travelers with small children, but said they didn’t realize the small children had to come with them.

Two-time WNBA champion and 2018 MVP Breanna Stewart, now a free agent, has narrowed her choices to her current team, the Seattle Storm, and the New York Liberty. She’s currently evaluating which team’s arena is closer to her job at Target.

The FBI is currently searching President Biden’s Rehoboth Beach, Delaware home in search of classified documents. They plan to resume the search on 4th of July weekend with help from their spouses and kids.

A six-year-old in Michigan playing on his father’s phone ordered about $1,000 in food deliveries from Grubhub. Drivers alerted cops after delivering the food and being tipped with Legos.

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