Fox Corporation will pay $787.5 million to Dominion voting machines in a settlement of their defamation lawsuit. However, Fox still faces similar suits from Smartmatic voting machines, and Bic ball point pens for write-in ballots.

McDonald’s plans a limited-time offer to sell Big Mac sauce to customers through its app. The bad news is it’ll be dispensed by McFlurry machines which are probably broken.

New York Mets pitcher Max Scherzer was ejected from Wednesday’s game after arguing with umpires who told him his hands were too sticky. Scherzer declined to speak to the media and cancelled his postgame plans to masturbate.

Tiger Woods underwent successful ankle surgery following his withdrawal from The Masters. No timeline was given for his return to golf, but for now Woods will likely need to wear a cast while having stand-up parking lot sex with restaurant hostesses.

Nine Republican state lawmakers in Michigan supported legislation making it illegal for an unmarried man and woman to live together. The attempt failed, to the disappointment of cohabiting Michigan men & women just needing that one reason…

A Texas mother found a worm in a container of baby formula. State & federal officials are considering a recall of all Jose Cuervo baby formula products.

A pizza delivery guy in Australia who impregnated a 15-year-old girl is appealing his prison sentence, claiming she gave her consent. Her lawyers dispute the claim, saying she specifically said ‘no sausage’.

A North Carolina family was injured after a neighbor shot at them when they attempted to retrieve their basketball that rolled into his yard. The shooter remains at large, and the family has no plans to try to get their Frisbee off of his roof.

Two Iowa teens who killed a Spanish teacher over a bad grade pled guilty – or, ‘cul-PAH-blay’ in Spanish, to prove they were learning.

Facebook provided instructions to users on claiming their share of a $725 million class action judgment for the Cambridge Analytica data usage violation. Just submit the claim form and your information will be processed by Cambridge Analytica.