An ESPN reporter speculated that Tom Brady’s “traumatizing” divorce may be the major influence in his decision to retire. Brady’s treatment to recover from the trauma will include being a handsome single 45-year-old with tens of millions in cash.
The Pentagon is reportedly tracking a high-altitude Chinese spy balloon over the continental U.S. They’re also trying to identify the three Chinese guys who froze to death in the basket underneath it.
Tips from the public led to the arrest of a man who stole emperor tamarin monkeys from the Dallas Zoo. In related news, emperor tamarin monkeys were discovered to be capable of making phone calls and sending text messages.
An Iowa senior care facility faces discipline for wrongfully declaring a resident dead and placing her in a body bag, where she was later found at a funeral home gasping for air. The victim’s family is considering a lawsuit against the care facility and Ziploc.
The U.S. economy added 517,000 jobs in January, as businesses staffed up to handle Americans returning millions of terrible Christmas gifts.
In the wake of firing 12,000 workers, Google CEO Sundar Pichai said he “takes full responsibility” for it. Asks if that means he’ll take care of them financially, Pichai added “okay, partial responsibility”.
As Beyonce launches a 2023 tour, members of Congress warned Ticketmaster to be ready and avoid a fiasco like Taylor Swift tour sales. Ticketmaster said they’re prepared, and have partnered with banks to prequalify Beyonce ticket buyers with the second mortgages they’ll need to be able to pay for them.
CBS Sports producers said they met with Tony Romo prior to the NFL season to resharpen his skills as a color analyst. NBC Sports producers denied a simlar meeting with Cris Collinsworth, begging him to please just shut up for a few minutes every Sunday night.
Fred la Marmotte, Canada’s version of Punxsutawney Phil, died on Groundhog Day prior to giving his winter prediction. Canadian officials reminded every groundhog that if they, or another they know, is struggling with seasonal depression, help is available.
A British woman said her family hates the name she gave her daughter, Kiara, which comes from a sequel to Disney’s The Lion King. She has no plans to change it, even though her family’s feelings leave a Scar.