A teenager suffered second-degree burns as a result of the “deodorant challenge” – spraying aerosol deodorant in the same spot continuously until you can’t stand the pain. The ninth-grade girl may need a skin graft to repair damage, although hospital workers concede she’s the best-smelling patient in the whole burn unit.

Gina Haspel, nominee to head the CIA, faced questioning from the Senate Intelligence Committee, and vowed that she would not restart torture programs. Rather, she’ll just leave them running.

Doctors discovered that a Nebraska woman with a chronically runny nose has actually been leaking brain fluid out of her nostrils for the past two years. She finally sought help after sneezing so hard she forgot her name and how to tie her shoes.

The Centers for Disease Control, seeking to warn citizens of the Lyme Disease threat posed by tiny ticks, posted a picture of a poppy seed muffin that had five ticks on it, challenging Twitter users to find them. Meanwhile, the snack bar at the CDC has been shut down until further notice.

80-year-old Jane Fonda told Vanity Fair magazine that, while she’s had boyfriends as recently as 2017, she’s now “closed up shop down there”, finally laying off the plumber and the groundskeepers who were barely keeping the shop running.

President Trump announced that the U.S. will withdraw from the multi-nation Iran Nuclear Accord, proving once again that the only things Trump likes pulling out of are those that Obama got into first.

Google announced a new Gmail feature, ‘Smart Compose’, that will suggest complete sentences within emails you’re writing. Google estimates that the feature will save hours scumbag boyfriends would have spent making stuff up to dump their girlfriends via email.

A Republican and a Democrat engaged in a shouting match during a House of Representatives session, as they addressed the firing and reinstatement of the House’s Catholic chaplain. “Boys, boys, stop fighting, I have time to molest both of you!” the Chaplain said, ending the argument.

Best Buy redesigned its logo as it battles for customers with Amazon, minimizing the iconic yellow tag, and calling itself 2nd-or-3rd Best Buy.

Epic Games, maker of the popular video game Fortnite, has unleashed a slew of lawsuits against players who cheat in the game and host forums where cheats are distributed. They seek unspecified damages from the losers who spend hours playing Fortnite, believed to be in to the millions of Totino’s Pizza Rolls.