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A chocolate labrador was given $2,000 for its role finding escaped Pennsylvania fugitive Michael Burham and barking at him in the woods. The dog was last seen adopting a female french poodle and buying multiple cases of peanut butter.

A new golf course in New York’s Hudson Valley held its grand opening, then closed due to torrential flooding. Water hazards caused two drownings.

Las Vegas Police searched a home in Henderson, Nevada as part of their investigation into Tupac Shakur’s murder nearly 30 years ago. Cops wouldn’t say what new lead they were following, only that it was a biggie.

Delta Air Lines cancelled a Las Vegas-to-Atlanta flight due to passenger’s illness while the plane waited hours on the tarmac in 110-degree heat. Due to heat exhaustion, they also cancelled the scheduled flight attendant/unruly passenger fistfight.

Regional chain Taco John’s won’t continue to spend millions in legal fees to defend its ‘Taco Tuesday’ trademark in court battles with Taco Bell and others. Instead, they’ll use the money to settle claims with hundreds of food poisoning victims.

An Australian man and a dog were rescued after being lost at sea for three months. The man said they survived on raw fish, and the dog said he survived by biting the man whenever he ran out of raw fish.

Country singer Jason Aldean’s video for ‘Try That In A Small Town’ was pulled from CMT network for its message of using guns to defend your rights. 58 people were murdered by a Las Vegas gunman during an Aldean concert, so he changed the lyrics from ‘Try That In The World’s Largest Tourist Destination’.

University of Vermont fired men’s hockey coach Todd Woodcroft after he sent inappropriate text messages to a student, The messages, where the coach asked about getting in the crease to score, crossed a red line.

Two carjacking suspects were shot by a Philadelphia pizza delivery driver, who was hot and ready.

Goldman Sachs’ profit plunged by 56% in their most recent quarterly earnings report. Executive bonuses plunged from a low eight figures to high seven.

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Microsoft revealed they’ve received 238 gender discrimination and harassment claims over the past six years, many of them citing lewd and vulgar responses to help requests submitted to Clippy the Office Assistant.

Toys R Us stores announced they’re closing or selling all locations and will fully liquidate. Also expected to liquidate? The pants of kids hearing that Toys R Us is gone.

Investment banking giant Goldman Sachs is expected to name David Solomon as their next CEO. Solomon, 56, is a part-time electronic dance dj who works New York and Miami clubs as ‘DJ D-Sol’, at raves which start at 4:30pm and end at 8:30.

Sears is seeking to improve its women’s apparel sales by bringing in the Jaclyn Smith line of clothing from KMart. Sears hopes to regain market share in women’s clothing that it’s been losing to Goodwill and its customers dying.

A new report claims that McDonald’s burgers and fries are higher in calories and salt than they were 30 years ago. McDonald’s disputes the report, saying that can’t be true since the burgers and fries have been in inventory for 35 years.

A new dating app, Waving, allows users to select potential partners by letting you hear the sound of their voice. Executives say the app’s beta is doing well with every category except hot deaf women.

A Minnesota woman was sentenced to a 180-day jail term for fatally shooting her boyfriend in a botched YouTube stunt. Her boyfriend held a book in front of his chest, believing it would stop the bullet. Unfortunately, it was an ebook.

Former ESPN President John Skipper said he resigned after his cocaine dealer threatened to extort him. The dealer said unless Skipper acceded to his demands, he could…go…all…the…way….to Disney CEO Bob Iger.

According to the National Institute on Retirement Security, 66% of millennials have no money saved for retirement. Millennials responded to the survey by saying they’re more interested in using money on experiences – like travel, concerts and homelessness.

Jeopardy! viewers took to Twitter to identify contestant Paris Themmen – who called himself an entrepreneur and backpacker – as the child actor who portrayed Mike TeeVee in Willy Wonka & the Chocolate Factory.  Themmen finished second, winning $2,000, a case of Aleve and the heave-ho from weird looking little people.