Jeopardy! champion Brian Henegar deactivated Twitter after viewers repeatedly compared his appearance to that of Adolf Hitler. Henegar was angry, but felt better when he saw the Final Jeopardy! category of ‘Human Atrocities’.

Marjorie Taylor Greene, visiting New York to protest the indictment of Donald Trump, called the place ‘disgusting’ and ‘repulsive’. She then finished her lunch at Guy Fieri’s American Kitchen and went to the protest.

Guitarist Mick Mars sued Motley Crue, saying he was kicked out of the band, is being denied profits, and that the band is using recordings instead of playing live. The band denies using recorded vocal tracks, saying Vince Neil sounds terrible either way.

Country music doofus Travis Tritt will no longer allow Anheuser Busch products in his tour rider after Bud Light partnered with a transgender influencer. The loss of a case of Bud backstage at Tritt’s Mississippi county fair shows means the loss of 90% of that state’s economy.

As part of a reorganization, McDonald’s is closing regional offices that assist with the operation of restaurants, resulting in a dozen unemployed clowns.

7-Eleven’s parent company is evalutaing selling the convenience store chain. Although it’s more likely that several investment bankers will show up with guns and steal it.

Eight Washington DC fifth grade students were hospitalized after eating gummies containing a “controlled substance” given to them by a classmate. Kids called 911 complaining that the playground tag game with the sickened students was “way too slow”.

Georgia police are investigating a murder/suicide at a Chick-fil-A drive thru. “My pleasure!” said the coroner.

In a new documentary, Pope Francis says sex is “a beautiful thing”. ….. “for you, maybe” replied Vatican altar boys.

Thieves stole $500,000 worth of Apple products after breaking in to an Apple Store through a bathroom wall. The store subsequently fired several Genius Bar workers advising customers on using the toilets during the robbery.