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Spirit Airlines canceled almost 200 flights in two days for unspecified aircraft inspections – and to bank an easy $20 million to make every ticketed passenger from those flights pay for changing them.

A new study claims Viagra could reduce the risk of Alzheimer’s by 60% – but test subjects said they had difficulty forgetting the bad sex they just had.

The National Football League warned teams of increased disciplinary action for on-field fighting during games, saying they’re worried players could really get hurt.

An Australian billionaire claims Donald Trump told Melania to put on a bikini and strut around Mar-a-Lago to show male guests what they were missing. She refused, then they did an unfiltered image search of Melania Knauss and saw everything anyway.

Taylor Swift wore an ’87’ bracelet to the Los Angeles Chargers/Kansas City Chiefs game on Sunday. 87 is her boyfriend Travis Kelce’s jersey number, and also the amount of times camera crews are told to show her reactions during telecasts of Chiefs games.

Chevron is buying Hess Corporation for $53 billion, acquiring their petroleum reserves, refineries, distribution, and several billion dollars worth of toy trucks.

Elon Musk said he’ll give Wikipedia $1 billion if they change their name to Dickipedia. Unfortunately, Dickipedia is already registered to a dedicated group of gay guys cataloguing their social friends & acquaintances.

Danny Masterson agreed to give wife Bijou Phillips full custody of their 9-year old daughter while he serves a 30-year prison sentence for rape. Phillips refused his initial offer of sneaking the child in to see him every other weekend in a large cake.

Bobi, the world’s oldest dog, passed away at age 31. His owners say they’ll miss him, but not the $28,000 in annual veterinary bills.

A JetBlue aircraft ‘popped a wheelie’ due to a shift in weight and balance after arrival at a JFK Airport gate following a flight to Barbados. Five different husbands were quoted saying “I told you so” to their wives who overpacked.

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Adam Neumann, founder and CEO of workspace management startup WeWork, is stepping down. Be on the lookout for his new venture, IQuit.

The Coast Guard intercepted a semi-submersible “narco sub” in the Pacific Ocean, carrying 12,000 pounds of cocaine valued at $135 million. The DEA is now trying to find a new home in the Witness Protection Program for the orca that gave them the tip.

A Philadelphia woman is pulling the wings off of spotted lanternflies and making them into earrings. So far, three women buying & wearing them have been kicked in the ear.

The Washington Mystics advanced to the WNBA finals, defeating the Las Vegas Aces. Said Aces all-star center Liz Cambage “we know when we’ve been licked”.

Fox News apologized for one of its on-air commenters referring to teen activist Greta Thunberg as “mentally ill” – adding that they’re staunch supporters of giving the mentally ill their own primetime shows.

A rare painting from the Italian master Cimabue, ‘Christ Mocked’, was found hanging over a hotplate in the kitchen of a woman living outside Paris. It is expected to sell for millions once experts complete the job of removing Kraft Macaroni & Cheese from it.

A walrus attacked and sank a Russian Navy boat that had gotten too close to its pups. An Admiral in the Russian Navy said “man we have some shitty boats”.

President Trump is reportedly in disbelief that Nancy Pelosi proceeded with impeachment after speaking to her on the phone Tuesday. He hasn’t misread a woman this badly since the time he thought then-wife Marla Maples would be excited about his date with Melania Knauss.

A parent who paid $250,000 to get his son into USC as a bogus water polo recruit was sentenced to four months in prison, or, a full semester.

The Governor of Massachusetts declared a four-month ban on all sales of e*cigarette and vaping products, sending dirtbag parents scrambling for new stocking-stuffer ideas.