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Netflix in-flight

Tuesday Jokes: Sept 26th

By cmdolan99 | September 26, 2017

Amidst ongoing scrutiny over his company’s massive data breach, Equifax CEO Richard Smith retired effective immediately. His severance payout is unknown, but will be split among the hundreds of people who now have his Social Security number.

Footwear & athletic apparel giant Nike sided with NFL Players in their disputes with President Trump over anthem protests —  surprising everybody!

Trump tweeted Monday night that he won’t watch NFL Football, then tweeted Tuesday the NFL should make a rule against players kneeling during the anthem. Trump is no stranger to making suggestions for games and players he doesn’t care about, having just suggested they shrink the field for Barron’s soccer games.

Melania Trump said she’s less concerned about the anthem protests, and more worried about the intense physical bullying between the boys wearing different colored shirts.

61% of Americans surveyed by the Cato Institute oppose NFL players being fired for kneeling during the National Anthem. Most are okay with their being fired for screwing up their fantasy football teams.

Netflix plans to offer in-flight viewing in 2018, after their research showed airline passengers don’t have enough to complain about.

Chinese company Tencent has invested $90 million in a flying taxi startup, with the stipulation that somebody from a different country drives.

Tickets to ‘Springsteen on Broadway’ have hit $10,000 on StubHub. Consumers are being warned about reports of fraudulent tickets, citing multiple cases of patrons being kicked out of The Lion King for repeatedly yelling “Thunder Road”!

The New York Times reports as many as six Trump aides have used personal email accounts for official White House business. Subpoenas may be issued, once the FBI figures out who runs Compuserve now.

The world’s second-biggest uncut diamond – 1,109 carat Lesedi La Rona – sold for $53 million. Already, rap artists have created over a hundred tracks rhyming “Rona” with “bone her”.

After tweets critical of Puerto Rico’s massive debt and poor infrastructure, President Trump will visit the hurricane-ravaged nation. Upon his return to Washington, he’ll visit a children’s hospital to tell sick kids they should have taken better care of themselves.

Posted in Comedy, Monologue jokes, Topical Jokes, Uncategorized and tagged as Cato Institute, China, diamond, Equifax, Equifax CEO Richard Smith, flying taxi, Ivanka Trump, Jared Kushner, Lesedi La Rona, Melania Trump, Netflix, Netflix in-flight, New York Times, NFL, NFL anthem protests, Nike, President Trump, Puerto Rico, Springsteen on Broadway, StubHub, Tencent, The Lion King, White House personal email. Leave a comment

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