Pope Francis is set to leave the hospital after inpatient treatment of bronchitis. He had a final dinner of pizza delivered by a naked teenage boy.

Oscar Pistorius was denied parole by a South African court. He can reapply in another year, and until then will be impatiently tapping his shins.

New research suggests Tyrannosaurus Rex had lips over its teeth. Unfortunately for females, their arms were too short to apply lipstick. [Story h/t to E.T.]

A Duke University professor wants to enact legislation prohibiting companies from intruding on the human brain’s function. Except for residents of the southern U.S., who don’t have anything to worry about.

The Consumer Product Safety Commission recalled a popular hoverboard, the Jetson Rogue, for fire risk that caused two deaths, and for injuries to a middle-aged man yelling “Jane, stop this crazy thing!!”.

March 30th is “Ivy Day” – when Ivy League colleges issue acceptance to prospective incoming freshmen. March 31st is “Safety School Day” for obvious reasons.

Donald Trump was indicted by a Manhattan grand jury on more than 30 counts of business fraud. He still faces potential legal action for inciting the January 6th riot, misuse of classified documents, and lying about his height, weight and genitals on 30 different dating sites.

Coca Cola Company is planning to introduce a “bolder, fruitier-tasting” Fanta Orange soda. They reformulated after consumer taste testing on college campuses, food fairs, and the Gathering Of The Juggalos so Coke execs could see some boobs.

A TikTok’er explained why he took a smiling selfie video at a Starbucks where a man lay stabbed to death on the floor. It took two-minutes for him to say “views”.

Coverage of The Masters on streaming platforms will have “digital commentary generated by artificial intelligence”. The comments will include yardage, club selection, difficulty, and which female spectator Tiger Woods will take a run at.