Serena Williams pulled out of the French Open, citing issues with her pectoral muscle. On the advice of her doctor, her child will stop breast feeding with utensils.

Former UFC women’s champion Miesha Tate delivered a new baby girl, Amalia. She was held in submission for nine months, but finally tapped out of the birth canal after 67 hours of labor. Neither Miesha or Amalia have discussed a rematch.

An FBI agent dropped his gun while doing a backflip at a Denver-area bar; the gun discharged and hit a bar patron in the lower leg. The agent expressed his regret that he couldn’t get a shot for everyone.

Appearing on the Today show, President Bill Clinton said that he doesn’t feel that he owes Monica Lewinsky an apology, although he did offer to pay a dry cleaning bill.

Kim Jong Un replaced all three of North Korea’s top military officials prior to his summit meeting with U.S. President Trump in Singapore on June 12th, after finding all of their resumes on the office printer along with cover letters sent to General James Mattis.

In suburban Philadelphia, a student was stabbed at Upper Darby High School. Or, as they call it in suburban Philadelphia, “vocational training.”

Apple kicked off its Worldwide Developers Conference by announcing iOS12. It launches this fall, provided you’ve already started downloading it.

Howard Schulz is retiring at Chairman of the Board at Starbucks. He’s rumored to be running for President, once he figures out if visitors can use the White House bathrooms without buying a tour first.

Gretchen Carlson, former Miss America and current Chair of the Miss America organization, announced that the competition is no longer a pageant, and that there will be no swimsuit competition going forward. Entrants, however, can still wear push-up bras and tape their boobs together for the new calculus bee if they feel like it.

The Bonnaroo music festival announced that it will wash and swap attendees clothes for free. Visitors to the LaundROO Lounge can swap out and wear clean vintage clothes while theirs are washed in a machine from LG, sponsor of the lounge. Or if they’d rather get their own clean clothes back, they can wait in a patchouli bath and eat Tide pods.