EDITOR’S NOTE: Due to a mini-vacation, there will be no Daily Jokes Monday, October 31 & Tuesday, November 1. Happy Halloween & All Saints Day to all who celebrate, whatever… See you soon and thanks for reading!

Motley Crue lead guitarist Mick Mars, who suffers from degenerative spinal disease ankylosing spondylitis, announced his retirement from touring. This follows frontman Vince Neil’s decision to continue touring, but retire from singing.

Billionaire Elon Musk officially acquired Twitter, and fired their CEO and several other top executives, thereby manifesting the lottery fantasy of millions of corporate employees throughout the civilized world.

Shortly after completing the transaction, Musk announced ‘The Bird is Freed’ – meaning Twitter will be less restrictive, and/or that Musk’s bird impregnated another singer/actress/model.

The husband of Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi was attacked in their San Francisco home by a person wielding a hammer. Police are questioning employees of Boebert/Taylor-Greene Handyman Services.

United Airlines commented on the way a switch to electric planes will impact travel, saying flights will now be delayed because they can’t find a union worker to plug them in.

Filmmaker Quentin Tarantino rejected Kanye West’s claim that West gave him the storyline for Django Unchained, saying everyone knows he got the story from one of the many Jewish CEOs who control Hollywood.

Actor & recovering addict Matthew Perry spoke in an interview of his challenges using a colostomy bag after his colon exploded in 2018, saying he woke up covered in his own feces 50 or 60 times. Perry cited this as a motivator for his sobriety and a reason he struggled getting second dates.

A 7-year-old at a Boston elementary school was found carrying a loaded handgun. The gun was discovered after the child received a bag of Fritos and a Kit-Kat bar in a lopsided lunchroom trade for half of a cheese sandwich.

Gisele Bundchen officially filed for divorce from Tom Brady on Friday morning, turning in her copy of their sexual playbook and requesting to become an unrestricted free agent.

Facebook parent company Meta warned that 1 million users may have had their login information compromised, and that eventually every user will definitely have their login information compromised.