India held its first ever Transgender Women’s Beauty Pageant. Contestants were judged on talent, interviews, evening gowns and a spelling bee.

Lego announced its biggest set ever, the Ultimate Collectors Series Millennium Falcon. The set has 7,541 pieces, costs $799.99 and will never be opened or assembled by anyone.

• The set is recommended hobbyists 16 years of age and over who live in their parents’ basement.
• For kids who think they’re getting $799.99 to buy it, consider your Dad the Death Star.

The average age of Dads in the U.S. has increased to over 30. The increase is driven by a higher number of fathers over 40 who are more skilled at talking women out of the need for condoms.

Sean Spicer finally met the Pope, who took a few minutes to ask him about working with Satan.

The FDA approved a new cancer treatment that reprograms autoimmune cells to fight leukemia. President Trump expressed hope that, once Congress reconvenes, they’ll repeal it.

A young father broadcast his 3 year-old child’s temper tantrum timeout on Facebook Live, titling it ‘When spoiled ass kids get told NO in Walmart‘. The video has been viewed over 21 million times; the toddler’s new show on Disney Channel debuts next month.

Wells Fargo bank has discovered another 1.45 million fake accounts, and held a ceremony to award a savings bond to its 3 millionth fake customer.

The U.S. has expelled Russian diplomats from Washington DC, New York City and San Francisco.  Diplomats in Cleveland and Detroit are asking when it’s their turn.

A study published in the Journal of Sex & Marital Therapy revealed the secret to female orgasms. “Can we talk about it later?” said husbands watching golf.

• The study cited clitoral stimulation as the key requirement to orgasm. Women reported different preferences in genital touch; 64% of women preferred an up and down motion, 50% preferred circular motion, and 98% cited their male partner touching the wrong place.