Sears is bringing back their Wish Book holiday catalog for 2017. The book starts with Sears wish that they not go out of business by Christmas.

Thor: Ragnarok opens this weekend. The film introduces Valkyrie, the Marvel Cinematic Universe’s first bisexual character. It also introduces Thor’s lesser-known half-brother who exposes himself to the women of Asgard – Looki.

Nintendo is set to release Super Mario Odyssey for Nintendo Switch on Friday, the latest installment in the Mario series of games. Mario’s experience has been updated as, for the first time, he runs & jumps among humans in a city environment, as he attempts to defeat Bowser before being captured and deported by ICE agents.

President Trump is finally poised to declare the opioid crisis a Public Health Emergency, following the unexpected overdose of his favorite caddy.

An Environmental Working Group study of grocery store fruits found strawberries have the highest levels of pesticide residue. The findings were published alongside EWG’s recipe for Thiabendazole Shortcake.

• EWG also found that the best way to remove pesticide from apples was to wash them with a baking soda solution for 12 minutes, or, about enough time for the pizza to arrive.

Twitter revealed that it’s been overstating quarterly active user numbers by 1 to 2 million over the past nine months. President Trump promised to call his friend, Vladimir, to help Twitter pick up the slack.

Chinese Citizens are reacting negatively to McDonald’s decision to change its corporate name in China from Maidanglao –which roughly translates to McDonald’s, to Jingongmen
– which means ‘golden arches’.  A McDonald’s spokesperson said they tried to register the Chinese name for Upset Stomach, but that it was already taken by KFC.

The U.S. Navy launched the USS South Dakota, billed as the most highly-advanced stealth submarine ever, then couldn’t find it.

Two women accused President George H.W. Bush of groping them, each saying that he asked them to guess his favorite magician, followed by his answering “David Cop-a-Feel” as he grabbed their buttocks. Separately, Bush is being sued for Intellectual Property theft by two 7th grade boys in 1990 who say he stole their joke.

The National Retail Federation said that 2017 will set a record for the most store closings in U.S. history. Accepting the award was a guy who used to assistant manage a Radio Shack.

 

 

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