Tuesday Jokes: June 19th

President Trump signed a declaration to create the Space Force — a task force to find space for all of the children being put in cages by his zero-tolerance immigration policy.

Microsoft – who works with ICE and the Border Patrol – urged the Trump Administration to reconsider the zero-tolerance policy and end the separation of families. Apple has yet to comment, but asked border agents if the detained children wanted to kill time learning to assemble iPads.

14% of U.S. adults now smoke cigarettes – an all-time low. While health officials praise the decline, the general population is concerned about how much harder it is to figure out who the cool people are.

An articulated python killed a woman and swallowed her whole in Indonesia. 54-year-old Tiba Wa was checking on her home vegetable garden. The python was also there checking on food, but was not vegetarian.

In other Indonesian news, a North Toraja man died when the coffin of his deceased mother fell on him at her funeral. The man had repeatedly said his mother was suffocating him, but, in fact, he died of head injuries.

The U.S. Golf Association apologized for Fox Sports U.S. Open golf broadcast, when mics picked up two male spectators talking about aggressive sex, with one saying that he “headbutted” and “smacked” his female sex partner. The men said they were whispering, but Tiger Woods asked them to speak up.

Queen Elizabeth’s cousin, Lord Ivar Mountbatten, will become the first member of the Royal Family to be wed in a gay marriage. Asked if the Queen will be in attendance, Lord Mountbatten replied “which one?”

Developer Niantic announced that they’ll soon add Pokémon trading to mobile game Pokémon Go. Though many adults have already been trading Pokémon for healthy relationships.

A woodchuck is being blamed for stealing American flags from veterans’ burial plots at a Massachusetts graveyard. The woodchuck said he’s presenting the flags to widows of veteran woodchucks hit by cars.

Two Akron, Ohio firefighters have been suspended amid accusations that they filmed a pornographic video in a municipal fire station. The film depicts several methods for sliding down a fire pole.

1 Comment

Leave a Comment

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s