Tuesday Jokes: September 25

A ‘hotel breakfast bandit’ is on the loose in Georgia. Police in Dalton say a man has been wandering into hotels offering free lobby breakfast, eating, and leaving. So far he’s hit a Holiday Inn Express, a Quality Inn and others. He’s described as a white male with a  stomach ache and high cholesterol.

President Donald Trump was asked his thoughts on Puerto Rico becoming a full U.S. state. He replied  “absolute no — the 60 we have are plenty.”

The Official Scrabble dictionary added 300 words, and a new Appendix of 300 activities that are much more fun than Scrabble.

A 74-year-old man was found alive in a Washington D.C. area senior complex severely damaged by fire. All other residents had safely evacuated during the blaze, since they already knew how the Murder, She Wrote episode he was watching ended.

Bill Cosby’s sentencing hearing continued for a second day. The 81-year-old comedian, who is legally blind, told the judge he was glad it’s a ‘hearing’ and not a ‘seeing’, proving that, man, he’s still got it.

Cosby’s attorneys are fighting the prosecutor’s recommendation that he receive 24-to-36 months working at Trader Joe’s.

Readers Digest published a new article, ‘Exercises You Should Never Do After Age 50’, which for devoted Readers Digest readers includes “all of them”.

An image of a small baby girl crawling across a busy highway in New Jersey has gone viral. The baby was carried to safety, but told her rescuer that she was late to her job repairing iPhones at a nearby Apple Store.

A 10-year-old girl needed emergency surgery when she shoved a safety pin up her nose and it sprung open. The safety pin was removed through her mouth, but hospital workers are still figuring out how to remove the diaper attached to it.

Designer house GCDS – God Can’t Destroy Streetwear – sent its models down the runway at Milan Fashion Week with a third, prosthetic, breast between their two natural ones. Coincidentally, GCDS is offering its new tops in a Buy 2, Get 1 Free! sale.

 

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