According to International Business Times, Queen Elizabeth II eats Special K cereal from a Tupperware bowl for breakfast most days — just like a regular person. Only three different servants feed it to her.

Democrat Kyrsten Sinema won the Arizona seat in the U.S. Senate, becoming the first openly bisexual U.S. Senator. “Alright!” said creepy Arizona men, before getting the explanation that “openly” doesn’t mean “open to anybody”.

Ozark, Missouri megachurch pastor John Lindell urged parishioners at his Assembly of God parish to stop going to yoga because it has “demonic roots”.  “This can’t be good for business!” said Ozark, Missouri’s top yoga instructor, Yogi Jethro.

CNN sued the Trump Administration, seeking the reinstatement of press credentials for barred reporter Jim Acosta.  White House lawyers promptly climbed the ladder that reaches to ceiling and put it on the pile of lawsuits.

Waka Flocka Flame announced that he’s ready to retire from rapping to start a family and become Waka Flocka Extinguished.

The Golden State Warriors are offering $100/month ‘In The Building Passes” to Oracle Arena, where fans can attend home games, but will have no seat and no view of live action except for TVs. They say the ‘not sitting and not seeing the game’ idea was inspired by fans bringing their 4-year-olds to games.

The FDA is recalling Losartan, a blood pressure medication, because it contains a cancer-causing impurity. Patients taking Losartan are being told to expect good news, then really bad news.

Petco announced that it will stop selling dog and cat food with artificial ingredients next year, a move hailed by house pets who eat excrement and garbage.

KFC added chicken & waffles to the menu for a limited time. People eating it can expect it to stay in their digestive system for a very, very limited time.

Marvel Comics pioneer Stan Lee died at age 95. His funeral will take place in two months. The eulogy is done, it’s just going to take a while to illustrate it.