Wednesday Jokes: November 21

Facebook rolled out a ‘Watch Party’ feature so friends can watch the same video together at the same time. “Oh my GOD your standup is SO funny!” said a Facebook friend seconds before closing the window and not realizing everyone else can see they’ve left. 

Walmart requested a refund of its campaign contribution to Mississippi Senator Cindy Hyde-Smith after her controversial comments about public hangings and photos wearing confederate soldier gear. Hyde-Smith said she couldn’t return the cash but would give credit for future bribes. 

The CDC ordered that all romaine lettuce be disposed of due to an E. coli threat. “So, just the lettuce, or the pork and beef too?” asked a manager at Chipotle. 

A bipartisan group of U.S. senators is demanding President Trump share his belief over Saudi Crown Prince bin Salman ordering the murder of journalist Jamal Khashoggi. Which is fine, until you recall Trump believes he’s an A+ president and climate change isn’t real. 

Gordon Nobriga, a former flight attendant, received five years probation for video recording men and boys in public restrooms at an Arizona Walmart. The secret recording had gone undetected until Nobriga entered the restroom to get his phone, collect victims trash and point to the exit. 

A Bethlehem, Pennsylvania mom faces criminal charges after driving two miles with her 12-year-old son on the hood of her car when the boy refused to go to the dentist. They arrived at the dentist, who removed bugs from the boy’s teeth. 

Tumblr was pulled from the Apple iOS app store after child pornography was found on the service. “Oh, right, I had a Tumblr” said Jared Fogle from prison. 

A Milwaukee bus driver is being praised for allowing a homeless man to stay on her bus during her shift, then helping to find the man housing. The homeless man is grateful, but disappointed because he thought the bus was going to Phoenix. 

Amazon informed customers that a “technical error” resulted in the exposure of their name and email address. Customers with a ‘Dash button’ for adult diapers are on pins & needles hoping that’s all they got. 

The National Oceanographic and Atmospheric Map service said that smoke from the California wildfires is visible in New York & New Jersey. The smoke is being cited in weak excuses by NY & NJ teenagers sparking up in the backyard when their parents ask ‘what’s that weird smell’?

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