Thursday Jokes: April 18

New York City police arrested a man with gasoline cans & lighters inside of St Patrick’s Cathedral. The man said he was just trying to bring a little bit of Paris to the Big Apple.

The Weather Channel was knocked off the airwaves Thursday morning by what it claims was a “malicious software attack”. They promptly dispatched Jim Cantore to their I.T. department to give live reports from the center of the software storm.

Dashcam video from Montana showed a beaver dragging a large tree branch across a busy highway at night. Once the beaver delivered the branch to the site of a new dam, he returned to his day job as Mayor of the Montana town where he lives.

Comcast and T-Mobile announced a joint effort to cut down on the number of robocalls received by customers on their networks, it involves dropping the robocalls just like the rest of them.

Tech journalists’ review samples of the $2,000 Samsung Galaxy Fold – the first smartphone with a folding display – are breaking. The failures are troubling, but reviewers liked that you can fold the phone closed to extinguish it when it catches fire.

Barnes & Noble announced users of its Nook e*reader & app can download free copies of the Mueller Report – an announcement greeted with indifference by the eight people using the Nook e*reader or app.

Jenny Mollen and Jason Biggs shared that she dropped their son Sid on his head, fracturing his skull. This followed a months-old post saying their other son, Lazlo, was bitten by a dog. Both boys are fine. Their nanny describes her job as “pretty hands off.”

A new study found gluten in 32% of restaurant food labeled ‘gluten free’. “See, this is why we don’t even try” said an Arby’s spokesman.

New York City’s population dipped for the first time in a decade, according to government estimates. Reasons include lower international immigration, and the inability to count people stuck on late subway trains.

Multiple McDonald’s customers in Lyons, New York claimed to have found worms at the bottom of their soft drink cups – thus ending the secret trial of McDonald’s new McQuila.


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