Tuesday Jokes: May 21st

A 9-foot-8-inch great white shark was spotted in the Long Island Sound near Greenwich, Connecticut. When President Trump heard that there were great whites in Greenwich, he scheduled a rally there.

DressBarn announced they’re closing all 650 locations, leaving customers wondering where else they can go to look dumpy on a budget.

Spice Girl Mel B was temporarily blinded due to a herpes flareup in her right eye. She claims to be fully recovered, but is telling men she stared at to get tested.

  • As for how she got herpes in her eye, nobody’s buying her “bad mascara” story.

Jada Pinkett Smith said on her Facebook Watch series ‘Red Table Talk’ that at one point she had a “little porn addiction”. She then clarified that maybe she used the term ‘addiction’ a little lightly, and that by ‘little porn’ she meant dwarfs having sex.

The FBI raided the offices of uBiome – a company testing mailed-in samples of human feces to assess gut bacterial health – and accused them of fraudulent billing. Agents took computers and other records, but decided to leave the lab and the mail room alone.

Homeland Security is warning Facebook users of scammers requesting small sums of money, then following up with another scam accusing them of donating to ISIS and demanding payment to avoid jail. The scammers raised suspicion because unlike Facebook, they didn’t sell victims’ personal data.

A minor league baseball game between the Reno Aces and Tacoma Rainiers featured 33 runs, 39 hits, 16 walks, 10 home runs and about 20 spectators.

Sesame Street introduced its newest Muppet, a girl named Karli who lives with foster parents. Little is known about why she’s separated from her birth parents, only that her father “has a problem with cookies.”

A new study claims that cannabidol, or CBD – the non-psychoactive ingredient in marijuana – is effective in treating opioid addiction. This would make pot the first-ever gateway and exit drug.

Authorities in Delaware County, Ohio are investigating reports that middle school students put urine and semen in crepes served to teachers. Officials also cancelled the students’ plan to raise money for a class trip by selling cookbooks.



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