Thursday Jokes: July 18th

Police in Utah went to the sidewalk drink stand of an 11-year-old with a sign reading ‘ICE COLD BEER’ and found he was cleverly selling root beer. The cops bought a bottle, then set up a highly successful DUI checkpoint for other arriving drivers.

Reports claim the Philadelphia Police Department will terminate as many as 13 officers for racist and sexist social media posts, and promote others for their super-cute cat and dog pictures.

Dominican Republic’s Ministry of Tourism announced new steps to curb fears following reports of sickness and death from tourists. They include posting medical contact information in hotel rooms, and clearly labeling the percentage of antifreeze and gasoline in mini-bar liquor bottles.

The Smithsonian placed Neil Armstrong’s spacesuit on display to commemorate the 50th Anniversary of the Apollo 11 moon landing. They’d raised over $750,000 in a Kickstarter to preserve the suit, and to get the mustard and Tang stains out of it.

Game developer Niantic is changing the battle mode of its massively popular title Pokemon Go. Instead of players tapping the screen during charged Pokemon battles, they’ll now throw their smartphone at opponents.

Airline KLM India apologized for a tweet using flawed data to say passengers seated in the rear of the aircraft had the greatest chance of surviving a crash. They admitted considering using the data to charge nervous flyers $75 more for those terrible seats.

A 7-foot shark was found growing around a plastic ring. “Cool ring” said other sharks.

Microsoft founder Bill Gates is no longer the second-richest person alive, but, depending on his luck, could potentially be the richest person dead.

A new study finds Google and Facebook are tracking individuals’ browsing activity at porn websites even in Private/Incognito mode. Horrified Facebook users found out when their comments were labeled ‘Pornhub Top Fan’.

Tru Kids Brands announced it’s reopening Toys R Us stores in time for Christmas holiday shopping.  Small children are being advised to spend the time between now and November practicing their tantrums and meltdowns.

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